Today in Sex: Pumpkin Pie Makes Men Horny

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I always thought it was big tits or the lack of a gag reflex, but according to a suspiciously timed study conducted by Chicago's Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Center, nothing makes a guy hornier than the smell of pumpkin pie.

According to the study, the scent of pumpkin pie (mixed with a top-note of lavender) "increased penile blood flow by an average of 40 percent in participants."

Older gentlemen responded erectly to vanilla, while "men with the most satisfying sex lives responded strongly to strawberry." In fact, according to Dr. Hirsch, the scientist who ran the study, "Every odor we tested aroused the participants."

Why just last night I was laying in bed when the Big Greek rolled over and murmured "Mmmmm, you smell like salami. . . ." as he slid his arm around me. Like that was a good thing. I told him it must be his own breath blowing back on him because I hadn't eaten any meat that day. He pressed himself closer and nuzzled my neck. "Nope, salami," he insisted, cupping an ass cheek.

I was insulted and pushed him off. (I don't smell like goddamned salami—I smell like tuberose and unicorn kisses!)

So this morning I re-read the story, looking for an odor that would put men off. While the scent of cranberry moved men's members the least, Dr. Hirsch admitted, "Nothing turns a man off."

So there you have it. The scent of freshly baked pumpkin pie will give your man a boner. But so will the smell of chicken livers, Fritos, and, apparently, day-old lunch meats.

 
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