OK, we get it. The cloudy, pale-blue images produced by airport body scanners are intrusive to people's privacy. With their amorphous outlines of junk, long butt-crack lines, hazy silhouettes of breasts and ... wait, sorry, I lost my train of thought thinking about butt-crack lines. Anyhow, in honor of the just announced "National Opt Out Day" on Nov. 24, when everyone is supposed to refuse to be scanned at the airport-security checkpoint, thus ensuring that the Thanksgiving travel day is that much more unbearable, let's take a look at just how explicit these images supposedly are.
Next, meet Hangar Bay Hank. He's a part-time insurance exec--and full-time treasurer of the Mile High Club--who can man any cockpit.
Getting hot yet? Wait until you get a load of Holly Go-Flightly. Don't let her bashful pose fool you. She's a bombshell who every security dog in the airport wants to sniff.
Now, don't worry, ladies (and guys, depending on which way your frisking wand hangs) we've got some more fuzzy gray man-meat next. It comes by way of Runway Richard. What's that, Dick? You're going to stow your baggage where?
Finally, we've got Douglas Quaid. He's a freedom fighter from Mars and ... wait, that's Schwarzenegger in "Total Recall."
The point, perhaps, is that anyone who is aroused by vaguely discernible outlines of average people's asses is likely either Amish or an 11-year-old. And anyone else probably gets a similar kick just looking at you with tight jeans on. Basically, there ain't much you can do about that person.
But yes, by all means, raise hell about airport body-scanning. It's not like there are more important things to worry about in America.