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When my bawdy friend Simcha asked which costume idea I liked better—sexy cupcake or Kim Basinger's character in My Stepmother is an Alien , it

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Today in Sex: Resist the Siren Call of the Slutty Halloween Costume

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When my bawdy friend Simcha asked which costume idea I liked better—sexy cupcake or Kim Basinger's character in My Stepmother is an Alien, it was a no-brainer; Celeste Martin, obviously. Leave the dopey "sexy" costumes to the prudes. Halloween should be about three things—imagination, spookiness, and candy. Instead, it's turned into an excuse for normally uptight women to wear ridiculous storebought costumes simply because they show a little flesh.

Don't get me wrong—I understand the appeal of stepping outside yourself and being a little naughty, but there's nothing remotely imaginative or spooky about a sexy watermelon. For that matter, there's nothing sexy about it either. (A slutty watermelon was actually the most ridiculous thing I could think of, and I had no idea it actually existed until I Googled it.)

Most slutty Halloween costumes are the sartorial equivalent of the cosmo-fueled girl-on-girl makeout at the sports bar: false advertising and an obvious ploy for attention. I mean, is anyone worth knowing going to be attracted to a woman dressed as Naughty Nemo? There's nothing wrong with whoring up a Pixar production, but a fish? Nemo's not even a chick fish.

There are plenty of ways to look sultry, yet also accord Halloween the respect it deserves. For example, Elvira or Vampira—sexy and spooky. Dressing (undressing?) like the blue broad in Avatar) would definitely be hot. That goes double if you're brave enough to cover yourself in blue bodypaint. But randomly tarting anything from a firefighter to a mental patient—just lame.

Of course this might all seem slightly hypocritical when you hear about my minxish costume. I'll be the white-faced redhead at the bar, yapping at the ghoul in a leisure suit. That's right—Zombie Mrs. Roper.

 
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