Today in Sex: How Not to Behave After You're Dumped

The first time David Arquette drunkenly called into his pal Howard Stern's radio show to discuss the breakup of his marriage to Courtney Cox, it was kind of refreshing. He was raw, hurt, and obviously still in love with his wife. (Oh, and completely wasted.) Celebs normally listen to the publicists they pay and STFU when it comes to releasing the deets. So Arquette's vodka-fueled candor was unusual. But when he called back yesterday, publicly confessing that he'd cried the first time he banged some other broad after their separation, well, that was overkill. Also, those tears didn't stop him from lining up a few other naked ladies after that first one either. So in the interest of being servicey, I thought I would give you (and any celebrities teetering on the verge of a split) some tips on how to behave.

• There's a short piece in today's Wall Street Journal detailing what not to say during an exit interview. What it comes down to is, don't badmouth your ex-boss or old coworkers. Ditto your romantic ex. Nine times out of ten, any shit you've talked, will wind up splattering you in the eye at some point. I found this out the soft, brown, smelly way.

• If your friend has a radio show, listened to by millions of people including your ex, don't drunk dial. In fact, don't-drunk-dial should be your mantra until you're over it. After your second drink, hand your phone to a trusted friend or buy this breathalyzer app.

• If you're in the market for sympathy, you might want to hold back a little. Just as you might not want to share that your affair with your husband's brother is the reason for your split, announcing that your wife is worth $100 million (!!), you live in a community property state, and nope, you two crazy kids never bothered to get a pre-nup is pretty much going to wipe everyone's sympathy slate clean. No matter how much you sob after sex.

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