As a recovering goth, Halloween will always have a place in my heart. However, one thing I'm definitely not a fan of are annoying, normally prudish women who use the holiday as an excuse to whip out their inner slut by dressing up like "sexy firelady" or "sexy teddy bear" or "sexy [insert lame idea here]." If you're gonna be a ho, it shouldn't be a once-a-year thing. Own it, slut. But aside from that minor annoyance, Halloween is a delightfully sexxy holiday. Here's a quick list of naughty, spooky toys that'll help you put the "ween" in Halloween this year.
First up is the Death By Orgasm Zombie Three-Speed Bullet Vibrator. This possibly glow-in-the-dark number is available from Love Honey in the UK and comes tucked away in its own little casket.
Next we have the The Vamp, available from Babeland. This pearly pale number is exactly how I've always envisoned my favorite vampire's member. Mmm. Too bad it doesn't come attached to the rest of Eric Northman, but beggars can't be choosers. (And hot damn, I'm not too proud to beg.)
Babeland is also selling porno pumpkin-carving kits and these Candy Vibes for the trick who deserves a treat.
For those who'd rather give than receive this Halloween, there's the special fanged edition of the world-famous Fleshlight. (Also, this is up there in the top ten creepiest things I've ever seen.)
What's Halloween without the Grim Reaper? The fabulous folks at Divine Interventions (the people responsible for not only the Baby Jesus Butt Plug, but also the Virgin Mary dildo and Jackhammer Jesus), didn't stop there either. . .
. . . they also crafted a Devil Dildo--which, truth be told, doesn't look very comfortable--but I suppose comfort isn't really a concern when you're sticking Satan up your snatch.
Instead of a ray gun, you can point this Steampunk Love Gun from Lady Clankington's Cabinet of Carnal Curiosities at your ghoulish luv-uh girl or boy
Holidays aren't all about consumerism though. As this festive and crafty DIY'er shows us, a homemade Halloween sex toy can be the sweetest treat of all.