Just as Labor Day symbolizes the unofficial end of summer, so does September's arrival signal that Anal Pleasure Month (aka August) has come to a close. Which explains why I used a photo of the beautiful Coco (aka, Mrs. Ice T), the Patron Saint of All Things Bootylicious, to illustrate this piece.
So in order to avoid making the same mistake twice, I scoured the internet to discover what exactly we're celebrating this September. Unfortunately, I found that September isn't as racy as August. Not even as scintillating as May, otherwise known as Masturbation Month. This September, we celebrate:
• International People Skills
• International Square Dance
• Mold Awareness
• National Childhood Injury Prevention (as opposed to April, which is Smack Your Kid Around Month)
• Head Lice Prevention
and my favorite--
• Be Kind to Editors and Writers Month
Pretty G-Rated, right? I'm writing this during National Waffle Week, which--not coincidentally, coincides with National Suicide Prevention week. So handy because who could consider offing themselves when there are delicious waffles to consume? Sadly, I couldn't even find any days honoring the penis or vaginas, let alone months. Though Japan does have a fun-sounding festival devoted to the wiener.
So let's come up with a theme for September, shall we? Because I'm five and still find fart jokes funny, my vote is for Dutch Oven Month. What's yours?