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Last week, New York Magazine did a slideshow of eight scenes that the Parents Television Council deemed some of the most offensive instances of small-screen

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Today in Sex: Eight of the Filthiest (Imaginary) TV Scenes

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Last week, New York Magazine did a slideshow of eight scenes that the Parents Television Council deemed some of the most offensive instances of small-screen smut. While I was gratified to see that the "Mad Men" slap heard 'round the world made the cut, I'd never even heard of some of these shows (what's a "Neighbors from Hell?") and hadn't bothered to watch most of the rest. So I decided to make a list of small-screen, smutty couplings that I would've liked to have seen.

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Okay, now granted, I just read a bondage erotic story based on "I Dream of Jeannie," but it got me to thinking that perhaps Jeannie and the Major should've done more than flirt heavily.

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Jemaine and Bret's "Flight of the Conchords" ended before Stalker Mel could get with either of her imaginary boyfriends. And really, why choose just one? Kristen Schaal in a kiwi sandwich with those two would've been a thing of beauty. And hotness.

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Though Florence Henderson now says that her TV stepson blew the whole thing out of proportion, the Brady Bunch's Greg Brady (Barry Williams) claims he and Carol Brady went out on a date while they were filming the show. Mike walking in on his son and wife would have made for way more exciting TV than broken vases and Hawaiian trips gone wrong.

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"True Blood's" Eric Northman should make one very lucky viewer the happiest woman in the universe. (In case you're wondering, Alexander Skarsgård, you are on my freebie list.)

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"The Bionic Woman" and the "Six-Million-Dollar Man." That would've electric.

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"The King of Queens'" dumpy male lead Kevin James banging an age-appropriate, equally lumpy, similarly unattractive woman. The whole ugly dude/hot wife trope needs to be retired.

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Color me crazy, but I've always thought "Law & Order SVU's" detectives Munch and Benson were working a little bit of crime-solving chemistry.

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Brian and Lois on the Family Guy. I thought I was being naughty and clever until I discovered that there's a porn site devoted to the show already out there. Yuck! You people are twisted!

 
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