Today in Sex: Worship at the Altar of My Orgasm

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When a non-believer joins a 12-step group, there's generally one big obstacle on their road to recovery: That's the whole "higher power" concept. God comes up constantly in meetings, and while the more tolerant true believers advise that you think abstractly--"think of your higher power as a tree or nature"--that doesn't really work when everyone's throwing around the G-Word. But a church in the aptly named town of Lövestad, in southern Sweden, has come up with an answer I think even the most devout atheist could be down with. Their god is the Big O. Le Petit Mort. The Busting of One's Nut.

The founder of The Madonna of Orgasm Church, Cardinal Carlos Bebeacua, once told a Swedish paper, "The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn't be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking 'Wow!'"

Hmm. Okay, I've had some non-traditional O's, but I've never gotten off just looking at a painting; there was always some contact (with someone or something) involved. But I realize there are lucky ducks who can will themselves an orgasm. Fair enough.

The Swedes ruled that the name of the church was offensive and refused to let them register as a religion on those grounds. Cardinal Bebeacua argued that the "the word 'Madonna' literally translates as 'my lady' and does not necessarily refer to the Virgin Mary." The Cardinal would've been better off arguing it was all about the pop star. At least she doesn't bill herself as a virgin.

Unfortunately, this week, the Swedish courts refused to hear the chuch's appeal; claiming that linking the chaste matriarch of the Christian church with something as deliciously filthy as a sweating, panting, ass-slapping orgasm was just wrong. And so the church lost its battle to be registered as a "faith community," which would've provided legitimacy, and presumably tax benefits, to the group.

Too bad because they've already turned one atheist into a believer--why I saw God just last night. . . .

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