Last month, current Atlantic editor and former Seattleite Michael Kinsley announced the exciting discovery of the most boring article ever published in a newspaper, a New York Timespiece about a California man who liked to take long walks. (Stop the presses!) He then invited his readers to send in their own submissions. Which led to today's post, where he revealed that Seattle Times' columnist Jerry Large was the first runner-up. Journo-fight!
Large's winning entry, published on July 25, is a rambling piece about the city's Walk Bike Ride challenge. From such infertile soil he grew "The green commuting challenge," a piece which Kinsley likened to a Holden Caufield poem:
Most of us would be better off if we biked or walked to work, if we could do it safely.
And if we were close enough to work and didn't need to transport anything large or make side trips.
Still, a lot of people could replace carbons with calories to power their commutes.
It's an individual decision, but the individual decisions in the aggregate affect the whole society. That's why there's a tendency to urge people to do what's best for the most by making it a virtue.
No one hits a home run every time they come up to the plate. And it's possible that Large has connected on some fat pitches in the past. (Although nowhere near as many as his counterpart Danny Westneat, recent Best of Seattle winner who's batting roughly .600 for the season.)
But Kinsely is right. Large's column is roughly as exciting as listening to Andy Rooney read the owner's manual of an '87 Toyota Tercel after mainlining tryptophan. Which might explain why he hasn't responded to a query on how he feels about receiving the, um, honor.
(In the interest of fairness, here's the most boring article I think I've ever written. Feel free to disagree/suggest others/just say they're all a waste of time.)