We're going to play a game, dear reader. Do you like games? Good. Here is the only rule for our game: you have to find the most uplifting detail in this terrible story about Carlos Jimenez, the jackass who killed his wife's toy poodle by throwing it against the wall.
But the puppy, being a puppy, wasn't having it. So Jimenez got mad, then threw the tiny animal against the garage wall.
The dog yelped and started bleeding out of its mouth. So Jimenez, being just as shitty a vet as he is an animal trainer, laid it on a towel and put a fan on it. But somehow the cool breeze wasn't enough to reverse the overwhelming brain trauma that Jimenez had caused, and the dog died.
Jimenez admitted to police that he threw his pet. But he said he didn't mean to hurt it, in the kind of language that will immediately remind you of the creepy guy in the Lifetime movies who's always beating his wife.
"Carlos stated that he didn't want to hurt his dog; that he loves his dog; that he feels really bad," wrote the police officer who took his confession.
To his wife's credit, she says she knew something bad was going to happen, as Jimenez's other attempts at training had always ended with him upset. But her attempts at getting the puppy out of their house weren't enough to save it.
Jimenez is facing a charge of first-degree animal cruelty. If convicted, he could face up to three months in prison.
OK. Game's over. If you said "the police report doesn't mention Jimenez having any kids," then congratulations! You caught the one uplifting detail in this otherwise terrible story: the guy who can't control his temper isn't a daddy (yet). Here's your present.
Just don't go throwing him around now!