According to Dr. Belisa Vranich, there are many valid, psychologically based reasons for the vampire-mania that's currently gripping the country: we love a loner; we're oral-obsessed; narcissism fascinates us; vampires are the archetypal bad boys. But mostly, the dudes hired to play vampires are uniformly hot: Robert Pattinson, Stephen Moyer, my personal faves Alexander Skarsgård and James Frain--mrow! Their attractiveness has nothing to do with my brain. Believe me, Seth Rogen in a pair of fangs isn't going to moisten any panties.
And where there's heat, there's merchandising. You can buy any number of ridiculously tacky Twilight or True Blood t-shirts, but the dumbest merch I've seen is Brit retailer Marks & Spencer's new line of Robert Pattinson "inspired" underpants for men, called R-Pants.
While it's not particularly wrong-headed to name a line of underroos after the world's most popular vamp (and r-pants is a funny name), but these are just dull, blue, run-of-the-mill manties, cut low and tight to be worn under skinnyjeans. There's not one thing about them that calls to mind R-Patz. Not a speck of sparkle to be found--not even any faux blood dripping down the leg. You could tell me they're the new line of Ben Affleck panties and I'd have no reason to doubt you were telling me the truth.
What Marks & Spencer didn't take into account is that most dudes who wear skinny jeans have no use for underpants, no matter who the endorser--they fly freebird. Next time, make them for the ladies and while you're at it, make them shimmer (we've got the bloody angle covered).