Today in Sex: Morrissey Turns Marital Advisor

Well, for one thing, he apparently wouldn't marry Katy Perry. Nor does he want his pal Russell Brand walking down the aisle with her either. According to the chirpy American singer, "He was giving us a hard time about getting married. He swooned and sighed, 'Oh, left hand third finger, don't do it.' It was just so eloquent and poetic and like one of his songs."

It doesn't take psychic abilities or even a uniquely bleak outlook to see that Brand, an allegedly reformed sex addict and Perry, an allegedly reformed Holy Roller, are obviously going to end in disaster. It's nice that at least one of their friends had the stones to tell them not to bother.

Prior to meeting Perry, Brand was allegedly banging up to 80 different women a month. Before she figured out naughty sold more records than nice, Perry, the daughter of two preachers, was recording Christian albums under the name Katy Hudson. Not exactly a match made in heaven (despite Katy's presumed "in" at the holy gates).

However, the two will not be dissuaded. They've already picked Morrissey's "Whatever Happens, I Love You" as their song, and for a while it looked like Mozzer might even perform at their wedding.

Until the dimwitted songstress met him, that is. "It would be great to have him at the wedding but I told him, 'We can't have a Mr. Misery like you messing things up.'"

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