Just Who Is This Spam Bodyguard, and Is He Fixing to Kick Gmail's Ass?

Not since Snickers' inane "Patrick Chewing" billboards has an ad campaign proven to be so deliciously retarded/genius (in the ad game, the line between the two is essentially nonexistent) as Microsoft Hotmail's "New Busy" pitch.

But really, just what the fuck is a "spam bodyguard?"

"Spam filter" we get--it doesn't let stuff slip into your bloodstream that shouldn't, like a coffee filter, or a public relations specialist. We'd accept "spam guard" as well: Virtually, this entity would politely stop spam at your front gate and send it back into the hi-speed ether.

But "bodyguard" implies that you're going to get your ass kicked. And does anyone really believe Hotmail's bodyguard can beat up Gmail?

Actually, I can, because Gmail has never advertised itself as a retired Secret Service agent who's entered the pay-to-prey private sector at Whitney Houston's behest. Would a 21st-Century reimagining of that film feature the Spam Bodyguard gunning down an erectile dysfunction email with an Uzi before the diva has a chance to flip on her laptop? And is he going to bone his client, as K-Cos did? We knew Hotmail was free, but we didn't know it was into free love.

And what happens when you head out for a night on the town? Will the Spam Bodyguard get you past the velvet rope? Will he beat the snot out of Situation-lookin' tools who're fixing to get up on you? That'd be a welcome service, but Guidos and Spam are not one and the same.

Spam is far more tolerable.

comments powered by Disqus