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No more waiting for Wednesday--now you can get a daily dose of Dategirl!

When I saw the headline saying French actress Vanessa Paradis is reportedly

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Trouble in Paradis?

vanessa-paradis-and-johnny-depp-marriage.jpg
No more waiting for Wednesday--now you can get a daily dose of Dategirl!

When I saw the headline saying French actress Vanessa Paradis is reportedly "too scared" to marry her long-time boyfriend, Johnny Depp, I rolled my eyes. That's like being afraid of having too much money or too many orgasms.

But when I actually read the article, Paradis comes off as way more pragmatic than panicked. She states, "There is something romantic about marriage and something scary about it. If you're happy without it, why bother?"

Okay, well that makes sense. Why is everyone so hell-bent on getting married?

Luckily most of my friends and family quit asking when I'm going to get married a long time ago (and have since graduated to pitying me behind my back). But V&J are famous, which means she--because they never ask the guy--has to hear a variation on that question nearly every time she's interviewed. Then she gives a sensible answer and it's twisted into her being terrified of marriage; when really, she just seems uninterested. She's been with the guy for 12 years and two kids--I know people who've been married and divorced and then married again in that time.

This may sound crazy, but if you're the marrying kind, you should get married during the first year of your relationship. Everyone knows that the first year is the most exciting. You don't really know the other person--which is equal parts fascinating and irritating. Your hormones are in a tizzy because you're having all kinds of sex all over the place. It's like being drunk, only on orgasms instead of booze. Therefore, this is exactly when you should get hitched: before the buzz begins to wear off and you start thinking about all the things you'd rather purchase instead of prime rib or chicken for 200 of your nearest and dearest.

Because once common sense comes into play, all bets are off. Instead of working your way through the Karma Sutra, you'll be arguing about seating charts and accommodating the lactose-intolerant vegan segment of the family. Nooners will be a thing of the past, because you'll be too busy fielding phone calls from irate third cousins wondering where their invites are and wondering if Aunt Patsy is going to get too deep into the gimlets and start flashing her handgun around like she did at your sister's wedding. And don't even get me started on the fact that in most states, gay couples don't even have the option of overspending on cheesy banquet halls and forcing their besties into acres of mauve taffeta. The more you think about marriage, the less there is to like, am I right?

But even with all that, I have to admit . . . if Johnny Depp asked . . . well, I'm only human. (Sorry, Vanessa!)

 
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