Woodland Park Zoo's Spankin' New Exhibit to Feature Masturbating Meerkat?

Oh sick, now he's filming it too!
The eight meerkats at the Woodland Park Zoo's new exhibit may not have names yet. But according to a super secret zoo source, the alpha male of the group has already earned himself a notorious moniker thanks to his very public self-love.

The source says that when not mating, the main kat can often be found standing next to the glass at the exhibit jerking off. A habit that's led some staff to refer to him as "Red Rocket" and others to fret whether or not this behavior will continue when the exhibit is open to the public on May 1.

Because journalism exists for no other reason than to investigate the habits of masturbating meerkats, we called Woodland Park for confirmation.

Says spokesperson Rebecca Whitham:

Just thought I'd clear up for you that what the animal actually has been doing is grooming and licking its genitalia, which is perfectly natural and normal behavior, similar to what you might see your dog do at home. There is nothing of any note about that.
I've never been more disappointed to hear that a mongoose isn't playing with himself.

In other meerkat news, Whitham says that each of the meerkats will get African names with a naming contest open to the public coming June 1. So let it be known that this is where the "Red Rocket" write-in campaign begins.

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