The Pacific Science Center sent an e-blast to members of the media yesterday telling them to be at the center by 11:30 a.m. because the Governor and unnamed "other leaders" will be gathering "to announce an event of historic proportions."
If this mysterious event of historic proportions isn't as a big a deal as covering the entire world with water, we're really not that interested.
That's it. No other details. So we're left to speculate, what will this event of historic proportions be?! It's a bold claim if, ya know, historic events are to be our guide. Here's a look what Gregoire is up against:
3350 BC (or thereabouts), The Great Flood: If you believe your Bible, God covered the whole Earth with water. In a reversal, perhaps Gregoire will announce that she has discovered a way to stop the fall of rain on Seattle for all of June, July and August, giving us the most glorious summer ever!October 1492, Christopher Columbus "Discovers" America: Yes there were people living here who suffered mightily at his hand, and vikings probably made the journey first, but leaving all that aside, thanks to this guy, people in Europe had their collective minds blown and launched an age of exploring. In the same vein, Gregoire will announce that state explorers (you didn't even know we had those!) have discovered a previously unknown cluster of islands off the coast of the Olympic Peninsula. As they are rumored to contain the Fountain of Youth, we are launching a new era of exploration, and if needed, conquest.
April 12, 1861, The Civil War Begins: Confederate forces attack Ft. Sumter, launching a four year war that would take over 600,000 American lives. Inspired by Abraham Lincoln, Gregoire will announce that by rights, Vancouver Island should be ours and we are going to war to get it.
April 12, 1955 (the date is a coincidence... or is it?), Jonas Salk Announces Cure for Polio: After the disease terrorized the U.S. in the Fifties, crippling thousands of kids, Salk's announcement led to mass vaccinations here and abroad. Now only a handful of cases exist worldwide. Gregoire will unveil the truth about H1N1, it has mutated into a super-virus that turns its victims into flesh-eating zombies. But behold! She has found a cure!
11:30 a.m. April 14, 2010, Reanimation Achieved: Gregoire will unveil the decrepit corpse of Ulysses S. Grant, zap it with a finely tuned radiation beam, and members of the media will shit themselves as it comes to life. Gregoire and Grant become central religious figures and a new world order is born. (If this isn't the reason for the ridiculous secrecy surrounding this morning's announcement, they better be serving damn good cookies.)