Mike McGinn Will Make a Major Announcement Today, But What Kind of Major?

Here's hoping Mike McGinn's "major announcement" looks this good.
Mike McGinn spokesperson Aaron Pickus sent out an e-mail last night telling members of the media that the mayor will hold a press conference this morning "to make a major announcement."

Offering no more details than that, we can't follow our standard plan of lining up subject-relevant interviews ahead of time, speculating on the possible political fallout, or even unfairly poking fun before he's had a chance to say anything.

Luckily we have an easy ranking system to quickly categorize his announcement, whatever it might be, the second it leaves his lips. Presenting, the Major System for Classifying Major Announcements:

Major Major: Full name Major Major Major Major, he is the bureaucracy-minded leader of Joseph Heller's rag tag band in "Catch 22". This major announcement is confusing, but in a funny, possibly important kind of way.

Major Payne: After leaving the Marines, Major Benson Payne (Damon Wayans) is (and this is played for laughs) too violent for civilian life so he's sent to whip kids at a military academy into shape. He and the kids learn a lot from each other. The audience leaves early to sneak into an R-rated movie. This major announcement is predictable and comes with some kind of obvious moral lesson. We can only hope they are serving popcorn.

Major Tom: Major Tom was a David Bowie creation who shows up in his songs as everything from an astronaut to a strung-out junkie. The character is still used by people who consider Bowie an influence/hope they too will someday be considered forward thinking and important. This major announcement is vague and lofty and was probably dreamed up by a McGinn staffer testing out that pot everyone hopes will soon be legalized.

Major Margaret 'Hot Lips' O'Houlihan The obligatory sassy, strong female character from M*A*S*H portrayed on the series by the foxy Loretta Swit. This major announcement is one in which the new mayor.... Hm? Oh, sorry, I was distracted by the hottie walking by. What were we talking about? Nevermind, I'm going to go try and get his attention with my antagonistic, witty banter.

Ursa Major: Also known as the Big Dipper, this is one of the largest and most recognizable constellations and points toward the North Star. It inspired the spiritual "Follow the Drinking Gourd" as southern slaves used it to guide their escape to the North. Every once in awhile a politician stirs us with a profoundly new idea or vision for the body politic. (Eg: Barack Obama's 2004 DNC speech). When that happens, you've got yourself an Ursa Major announcement.

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