The first of 100 "individualized" Starbucks opened in London this week. In the video above, Starbucks VP of Marketing Hell Tim Pfeiffer takes four minutes

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Video: Starbucks' First "Individualized" Store Opens in London

The first of 100 "individualized" Starbucks opened in London this week. In the video above, Starbucks VP of Marketing Hell Tim Pfeiffer takes four minutes to talk about the thinking that went in to making a coffee shop. For those playing Buzzword Bingo at home, follow us after the jump for a list of Pfeiffer's most nauseating phrases...

In order, we counted: "cafe-presence"; "open the throat"; "major coffee theater"; "embed the character"; "elevate the offering"; "more bespoke and one-off"; "elevate the overall value"; "availability of the interaction of the barista" (?!); "the go-forward"; "great coffee messenging"; and, of course, "our coffee authority."

Read it again. It's like an unholy combination of Wharton grad and Whitman poem. It's so ugly it's beautiful.

And just to reiterate: Starbucks spent a boat-load of money on Welsh oak, a table made of Belgian tank steel and counters cut from Italian car leather in order to look more like the downstairs at Elliott Bay Book Company. Now that's brilliant marketing.

To cleanse yourself of the stench of Pfeiffer's corporate-speak, Daily Weekly offers this fail-proof four-step process:

1) Take a scalding hot shower

2) Watch Bill Hicks rant on marketing

3) Buy a subscription to Ad Age magazine then put each page of each issue through a wood chipper

4) Repeat

 
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