The Mayor's office announced that Greg Nickels has come up with solutions, yes solutions, on how to "re-balance the 2009 general fund budget". What those

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If You Wanna Balance Seattle's Budget

The Mayor's office announced that Greg Nickels has come up with solutions, yes solutions, on how to "re-balance the 2009 general fund budget". What those solutions are will be announced to the three reporters still left in the Seattle-area during a press conference at City Hall this morning.

Although it is against the dignity of a journalist to speculate what belt-tightening measures will take place, below are a handful of revenue generating schemes that may or may not be brought up...

Tax aggressive panhandlers.

Fire the City's 59 public information officers. It's not that hard to write a press release and it ain't like there's any reporters left in this town.

Protection rackets. Take a page from the playbook of former Seattle Police Chief Charles "Wappy" Wappenstein.

Today is Opening Day at Emerald Downs and Parker's Picks has a can't-miss exacta in the seventh race.

Scrap the programs to fight Global Warming, saving millions. Encourage citizens to shake their fists at the sun instead. Or the general direction the sun would be, if it wasn't shrouded by clouds.

Sell Queensryche to the Chi-Coms.

Blame the Bush Administration.

A 10-cent per cup tax on espresso. Oh wait...

Instigate another Klondike gold rush.

Attract biotech firms and green energy industries to town. Yeah. That's the ticket.

You know that creepy Geico commercial with the stack of cash and eyeballs? That's like free money just sitting there.

Road rallies, downtown, on the last Friday of every month.

Trade the Obama Administration another couple Seattle politicians for some more Stimulus Package loot.

Perry Como tribute concert at Key Arena.

Proscription and damnatio memoria to public enemies of the city. It worked for Lucius Sulla and Caesar people!

Hold a Tea Party for Tolerance.

 
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