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On Saturday, Seely speculated that the financially strapped Sacramento Kings might migrate up the coast and settle in Seattle , giving us an NBA team

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Who Will Be the Next Sonics?

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On Saturday, Seely speculated that the financially strapped Sacramento Kings might migrate up the coast and settle in Seattle, giving us an NBA team once again. And as Bill Simmons noted, they're not the only NBA team losing money. While the Sonics' move to OKC had everyone up to the New York Times speculating that the NBA's business model was headed to smaller markets, it's those small-market teams that are invariably feeling the crunch. Just last week, the Indiana Pacers were just added to the list.

So even though the NBA isn't down with Key Arena and nobody's too eager to build a new one, we figured we'd take a look at the candidates for your next Seattle Supersonics. Cuz if those teams leave, they've got to go somewhere. And this somewhere has a super-intense dude who's looking to get his.

New Orleans Hornets

Why They Might Move: Current lease requires direct cash payments from the state. Owner George Shinn is an odious man who enjoys sticking it to the people.

Why They Might Not: Bad PR for the league to let team leave post-Katrina.

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Wildcard: Louisiana's governor, Bobby Jindal. Self-named after the youngest Brady boy and compared to Kenneth the Page, Jindal is also a Rhodes scholar and potential presidential candidate. He is in dire need of rebranding after his widely panned State of the Union-response speech.

Awesome Factor: Chris Paul is among the league's most entertaining players. (Watch him school Franklin alum Jason Terry.) Also, Birdman Chandler.

Not Awesome: Stealing a team from New Orleans.

Indiana Pacers

Why They Might Move: Not making money. Local press calls them pathetic.

Why They Might Not: They're named after the car driven by Wayne and Garth.

Wildcard: Home vs. famous rock city: what would Wayne & Garth do?

Awesome Factor: They're an NBA team. Danny Granger is fairly good.

Not Awesome: After the Palace Brawl, front office endeavored to make team whiter, slower, duller.

Memphis Grizzlies

Why They Might Move: Not making money.

Why They Might Not: Not spending money. Also, this guy says they won't move because the NBA told him so. Also, may be too cheap to pay for moving trucks.

Wildcard: Elvis?

Awesome Factor: OJ Mayo. Marc Gasol can double as Squatch. Rudy Gay jerseys likely to become popular in gay-friendly town.

Not Awesome: They suck.

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Milwaukee Bucks

Why They Might Move: Not making money. Year-to-year lease. Milwaukee hasn't been the same since Laverne & Shirley's run ended.

Why They Might Not: Better margins on beer sales when you're located near the breweries.

Wildcard: They're owned by a US Senator--Herb Kohl.

Awesome Factor: Joe Alexander can head-butt the rim.

Not Awesome: They suck. Head coach Scott Skiles takes the fun out of basketball. Alexander doesn't play.

Sacramento Kings

Why They Might Move: Not Making Money

Why They Might Not: City mayor is former NBA star, may be more accommodating.

Wildcard: Maloof brothers.

Awesome factor: Spencer Hawes returning to Seattle is kinda cool, I guess.

Not Awesome: They suck and are boring.

Team from Oklahoma

Why They Might Move: One owner is going broke. No one watches them on TV. Karmic imperative.

Why They Might Not: Management is building awesome team; Okies bound to like them.

Wildcard: Aubrey McClendon. Clay Bennett's Facebook Cameos.

Awesome factor: Kevin Durant, Jeff Green, Russell Westbrook, tons of draft picks.

Not Awesome: Current ownership.

 
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