I'm thankful that the run up to Valentine's Day is almost over. It's not because I'm worried about getting a gift or trying to plan

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St. Valentine's Day TV Commercial Massacre

I'm thankful that the run up to Valentine's Day is almost over. It's not because I'm worried about getting a gift or trying to plan out some romantic date. My plans for tomorrow involve going down to Fort Lewis and battling in a paintball tournament. Take that, Hallmark!

No, once we get through these final 24 hours, its means Americans will no longer be barraged by endless television commercials, hocking Vermont Teddy Bears. At least until Christmas. Or Columbus Day.

So the main thrust is, guys, if you want to get into your woman's pants this Saturday, send her a unique gift, that's one-of-a-kind and that no man has thought of giving before. Because nothing says, "I love you" more than a mass-produced Teddy Bear that you ordered from a commercial after viewing it on late night television.

Now I'm not sure what's the worst part of this commercial. The fact that it's playing on the emotions of some poor, dumb saps who might think it's a good gift idea. That the squealing bimbos, whom we're led to believe are working in an accounts payable office, are willing to go down on the guy who sent a bear to their work place. Or the assumption that your wife or girlfriend aren't watching the same commercial that you're watching, and won't kick your ass to the curb for wasting money that would have been better spent on a good bottle of booze.

With the economy going into the tank, and television advertising executives willing to do anything and work with anybody to fill air time, you can bet that we'll be seeing more commercial slots being taken up by Vermont Teddy Bear. And the cultist bathrobe we've come to know as the Snuggie. And ShamWow.

Since Congress and the Obama Administration is pouring a trillion bucks down the drain, maybe D.C. can be convinced to spare a billion bucks or so to buy up some television slots so Americans will no longer be subjected to ExtenZe male enhancement ads. Or the Finally Fast dot Com weasels.

Because if this keeps up, Americans might actually turn off the tube and take up reading again.

 
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