Heartache on Sunday

If you're nursing a hangover the day after your Valentine's Day evening didn't go so well, Jeanne Romano wants to help. The local writer is a contributor to What Was I Thinking? 58 Bad Boyfriend Stories (St. Martins Press, $19.95), from which she'll be reading at Elliott Bay on Sunday. (Full details after the jump.)

But she's not the only author making light of your despair. Want to feel better about your latest romantic debacle? What should you do for a rebound relationship? Patton Oswalt has this advice: "The answer is quite simple, really. Date a stripper." Curious where that might lead...

Oswalt is among the contributors to the new paperback edition of Things I've Learned From Women Who've Dumped Me (Grand Central, $12.99). In his anthology entry, he continues:

"Strippers are our country's most precious resource for keeping people together, and humble, and happy. Forget about counseling. Forget about that weekend retreat to Sedona."

The reason, he argues, is that strippers with coke problems will invariably put into perspective your petty complaints about girlfriends past. And they may even lead you on a path toward, gasp, marriage. Oswalt isn't coming to town soon, though he tours through Seattle regularly as a comedian--often for Bumbershoot. But another contributor, Larry Wilmore, will be in town Monday (details below, and here's Laura Onstot's preview). And he has this to say about how a woman--in this case his daughter--can mess a man's head:

"She'll be a year old tomorrow and she still won't return my calls to her. It's like I don't even exist."

Hey, wait! Flipping through this same volume, I find an essay by Dan Savage, editor of The Stranger. And you know what? He hates women! Really. They disgust him with their body hair and their effluvia and their neediness. So hilarious for him to write about. And to think that people, women included, ask him for advice.

From the same Valentine's Day shelf is Dumped! A Fun and Games Activity Book (Adams Media, $12.95) by Josh Lewis. His remedy for healing from heartache? Play word games, take quizzes, and do Sudoku. Apparently this book is the basis for a movie, or will be, called Dumped. We can't wait. And it certainly can't be any worse than He's Just Not That Into You.

Event details: Jeanne Romano, Elliott Bay Book Co., 101 S. Main St., 624-6600. 3 p.m. Sun. Feb. 15. Larry Wilmore, Elliott Bay, 7:30 p.m. Mon. Feb. 16.

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