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Secretary of Commerce has proven to be a cursed cabinet position for President Obama. First he lost New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson to a state

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Gary Locke Shocker!

GLocke_for_blog.jpg
Secretary of Commerce has proven to be a cursed cabinet position for President Obama. First he lost New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson to a state ethics administration probe. Then double turncoat New Hampshire Sen. Judd Gregg accepted and declined the job, claiming ideological differences. (That's the easiest way to duck a possible skeleton in the closet, particularly when you're not running for reelection. Wide stance, anyone?) So now Obama is expected to tap our own former governor Gary Locke, who since his 1996-2004 term in office has been doing ...remind us again what he's been doing?

Locke, a former Eagle Scout, seems like the perfect safe, bland choice, a figure of probity, honest to the point of, well, boredom. But, in a Seattle Weekly exclusive (hot on the heels of Rick Anderson's investigation), we have uncovered shocking instances of misconduct and possibly unlawful behavior that might derail his expected nomination. Read the sensational discoveries after the jump...

  • At the Safeway recently, Locke was observed to spy a dime on the floor. Which he bent down and retrieved for himself, putting it in his pocket, without first asking other customers if it belonged to them.
  • At Yale University in the '70s, he knew a guy who knew a guy who could score some really good weed.
  • While serving as King County Executive, Locke was reading important documents at home. During this time, he commingled the paper clips that he ordinarily kept sorted in jars marked "personal" and "office," thereby possibly stealing government property.
  • Gary Locke once drove 56 miles per hour on the highway.
  • As a Cub Scout in the '60s, he repeatedly flubbed the official oath; and his shirttails were often untucked.
  • He once recycled a plastic peanut butter jar--without first removing the label!
  • Dining at the Red Lobster, Locke once tipped only 14 %. Poor lighting alone cannot be blamed for miscalculating the tab.
  • While crossing a downtown street at two o'clock in the morning, Gary Locke once stepped off the curb before the "Walk" sign flashed on.
  • Shopping at a local organic farmers market, he allowed his small daughters to eat a few grapes before paying.

We expect an outraged Sen. Lindsey Graham and other top Republicans to call for hearings immediately.

 
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