Joan Rivers' work as comedienne, actress, and talk show host spans over more than 40 years. The media icon -- known as much for the


An Exclusive SW Interview With Joan Rivers


Joan Rivers' work as comedienne, actress, and talk show host spans over more than 40 years. The media icon -- known as much for the work she's had done as she is her quick wit -- fittingly just wrote a guidebook for women on plastic surgery titled Men Are Stupid... And They Like Big Boobs. Here, the raspy voiced New Yorker chats about going under the knife, show biz, why Will Ferrell sucks, and most enlightening: why I should get a nose job.

Joan, I feel like you're the go-to gal on this one: I've never really liked my nose. But your chapter on rhinoplasty scared me. It sounds like a painful surgery.

Oh no! It's like having a bad cold for three days. And for the rest of your life you're fabulous. No, no, no, no, no... isn't it worth it to be uncomfortable for a little bit and then be spectacular?

Well, when you put it that way...

You see, everybody asks me questions like that. I don't go to one party where people like yourself don't tell me, 'I'm thinking about a nose job...' or, 'I'm thinking about a tummy tuck.'

That's why I thought I'd put it all down in a book so that people wouldn't get scared or go to the wrong source. We did research up and down the kazoo and spoke with 26 different plastic surgeons. And we tried to make it funny, as well.

Why do you think the subject of plastic surgery gets people so riled up?

I think there's still a tremendous taboo surrounding it. Nobody wants to talk about it. They'll tell you about your sexual positions or when they're having an affair. But then you ask, 'Well, who did your nose?' and they say, 'Oh no. I've never had my nose done. What are you talking about?' They're all about being a 'natural beauty.'"

Like Nicole Kidman. I refuse to believe that woman's forehead naturally looks like that.

Well, of course she's had... you reach a certain age, my darling. And then everybody has Botox. They get their skin peeled. Marilyn Monroe got her nose shortened and thinned, and then had them add a chin. That's the business and everybody does it.

How many times have you gone under the knife?

I actually don't know. I do it in little amounts. I'll do a little chin pulling up or I'll go in and do some Botox every six months. I've had two face lifts in my life. Considering I'm 75, I don't think it's that outrageous.

Holy shit. You're 75?

Yes! It's insane.

You certainly don't look 75.

I don't feel it! It's just a number I picked. I could turn around and be 27. Why not? [Laughs.]

You've been in the business for over 40 years now. How have you managed to stay on the map?

I'm a whore. I'm still in love with the business. But I also don't trust the business. I never stop working. I never sit back feeling like I'm on a roll -- that's what makes a difference.

Do you change your stand-up material to be relevant with the times?

Whatever we're going crazy about as a nation, I talk about. Two weeks ago, it was all about the Obamas and what everyone wore to the Inaugural. It's still about Bernie Madoff. It's that insane women who just had eight children and turned her uterus into a condo. It's about getting older and how I hate it. The show is about everything that's really blowing my mind.

I feel like everybody really tiptoes around the Obamas. Nobody wants to poke fun at them.

Oh, I've already started on them. We're so politically correct. We're all so terrified. We think he's gonna be the big daddy and pull us all out. I think he's sitting in the office with his head in his hands like, 'Oh shit, I had no idea.' I don't want to knock him too much. But I want to be funny, and also very accurate.

What I found outrageous and stupid is Will Ferrell -- who I do not like at all as a person--

Wait. Really? He seems like he'd be a cool guy.

In my opinion -- I don't wanna get sued -- he's an arrogant asshole. He is so pompous on the red carpet. He's very funny, I'm not knocking the talent. But he's coming on Broadway with an anti-Bush show. It's like, why? It's over. Why are you knocking this poor guy who's out of office? Everybody hates him. Who cares? This is nothing new and fresh. You should've done this a year ago.

You crack me up. We're running out of time but is there anything you'd like your Seattle fans to know ahead of time?

Yes. I would like them to know I accept gifts. I wear a seven shoe, just in case.

Joan Rivers will be at the University Village Barnes & Noble at 12 p.m. to sign copies of her new books. She will perform Triple Door at 7 p.m. and 9:30 p.m that same evening. Visit for more info.

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