Christmas is full of traditions. Flocking the tree. Passing out presents. Crashing grandma's house in order to get some free grub. Bailing dad out of

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The Worst Christmas Songs Ever (and Some of My Favorites)

Christmas is full of traditions. Flocking the tree. Passing out presents. Crashing grandma's house in order to get some free grub. Bailing dad out of jail.

So it is in the spirit of the holiday that my favorite tradition is trotted out again for the second time; reviewing some of the worst Christmas songs of all times (and my favorite).

Now if you've been stuck at home for the past week because Mayor Nickels hasn't personally come to your house with a flamethrower to melt the snow accumulated in your driveway, then perhaps you haven't been treated to the proper dose of bad holiday music piped in at the mall, grocery store, pawn shop and adult video store.

Not to fear.

Using the latest technological innovations, combined with scientific polling and good old fashioned gumshoe research, The Seattle Weekly presents to you the cheesiest of Christmas cheer.

Christmas In The Northwest: Brenda Kutz White (1985)

It is no secret that Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) was first diagnosed in Seattle after Christmas in the Northwest went gold.

Christmas Shoes: Newsong (2000)

As a public service, if a kid walks up to you asking for money to buy Christmas shoes for his dying mother, tell the little panhandler to flake off. He'd probably just use it to buy cigarettes anyway. 

Christmas Song (Ding Dong): Gunther and the Sunshine Girls (2005)

Sweden's three major exports are pop bands, Volvos and scantily clad blondes. Christmas Song (Ding Dong) combines the best of at least two of these. 

Wonderful Christmas Time: Paul McCartney (1979)

This is Mike Seely's favorite song. So if you ever want to leave a phone message on our managing editor's voice mail, ther is no better investment of three and a half minutes. 

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town: Dokken 

Last Christmas: Wham! (1983)

Who doesn't get a lump in their throat when they hear George Michael's breathy voice?

Do They Know It's Christmas?: Band Aid (1984)

We've got two choices here. Hold off on buying a new mansion and use the scratch you'd drop on blow to help starving children. Or lay a guilt-trip on average Americans.

Jingle Bell Rock: Hall and Oates (1983)

Hall and Oates would like to remind readers that Santa has private eyes watching you, when you're sleeping and when you're awake.

Christmas In Dixie: Alabama (1982)

If you're gonna sing a carol, you gotta have a fiddle in the band.

My Only Wish (This Year): Britney Spears (2000)

It's not even worth trying anymore, so insert your standard Britney Spears joke here.

Step Into Christmas: Elton John (1974)

If you are going to step into Christmas, make sure your platform shoes are laced tightly.

Christmas In Hollis: Run DMC (1987)

Gotta keep Christmas old skool, homeboy.

Thank God It's Christmas: Queen (1984)

Mistress For Christmas: AC/DC (1990)

 
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