South Lake Union Trolley 002.jpg

Salivating at the prospect of federal transportation spending (by way of president-elect Obama's pending economic stimulus package), the Seattle city council has already identified four

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SLUT-Mates

South Lake Union Trolley 002.jpg

Salivating at the prospect of federal transportation spending (by way of president-elect Obama's pending economic stimulus package), the Seattle city council has already identified four potential new streetcar routes to augment our beloved, if little-used, 1.3-mile-long South Lake Union Trolley. This week, a council committee endorsed a quartet of proposed expansion lines that would connect a slightly extended SLUT to Ballard (via Fremont), the U-District (via Eastlake), Uptown (via First Avenue), and Cap Hill (via Broadway). Funding for a First Hill branch was included in the Proposition 1 measure approved by voters last month.

Council member Sally Clark is predictably gung-ho about this $600 million conceptual plan (if you dream it, they will fund), while Nick Licata and Richard McIver are more leery. Names floated for the hypothetical routes are prosaic at best--like the U Line and the Central Line. Boooring! But in a secret council memo obtained by Seattle Weekly, there are some catchier streetcar acronyms being considered for other proposed trolley extensions:

  • From Tom Rasmussen, the Trolley Regrade Ambi-Modal Plan would connect Belltown's vital bar and nightclub locus to Bremerton's underserved population via amphibious streetcars that, unlike state ferries, run all night long.
  • Proposed by Jean Godden, the Highly Useful Supplemental Streetcar for You links her North Seattle home to the nearest Metropolitan Market, Wedgwood Broiler, beauty salon, and kayak rental shop.
  • Licata's Human Optimizer line would double the capacity of a Madison Park to Cap Hill route by offering half-price fares to those who pay with soy, backyard chicken eggs, tofu, or other forms of locally grown organic barter.
  • The Seattle Knowledge Acquisition Nodal Karry-all, Clark's brainchild, would connect all our city's libraries.
  • Richard Conlin's West Harborview to Occidental Route Express would bring Pioneer Square's ladies of the night that much closer to hospital-administered antibiotics.
  • The High Occupancy Oriented Knickerbocker Express Route would link downtown with the Highlands, with no local stops, as Bruce Harrell has long sought.
  • Jan Drago's Ballard-Interbay Trolley Connection Hub would conveniently link all streetcar lines north of the ship canal.
  • McIver has already charted the Workforce Enhancement Northern Connector Helper, which would shuttle laborers out of the Rainier Valley into North Seattle job markets.
  • Finally, Tim Burgess has proposed a Traffic Reduction Objective Leschi to Laurelhurst Omnibus Pathway to facilitate shopping in University Village and reduce its chronic parking congestion.

Meanwhile, Mayor Greg Nickels has professed bafflement at why his pet streetcar proposal, the Central to University-North Trolley, hasn't met with council approval.

Rolling her eyes, Sally Clark responded, "Well for starters, just look at the name--it's offensive! Can't that man spell?"

 
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