Say It Ain't Joe


During the Democratic primary, the word everyone got real sick of real fast was "change." Now that "change" has subsided to a degree, America can't seem to get enough of the word "Joe," whether it likes it or not. Joe Lieberman, Joe Biden, Joe Six-Pack, and now Joe the Plumber -- when will all the Joe-ing stop? Soon, hopefully.

But while we're still on the subject, couldn't McCain have picked a better blue-collar profession to fellate than plumbing? People usually hate to have to call the plumber. Why? Because plumbers are to home maintenance as dentists are to personal health: They have a reputation as ripoff artists, and they wear saggy pants. This is probably why Joe the Plumber can afford to start his own plumbing business, because he's been gouging the fuck out of Joe Six-Pack for all these years.

But I digress. Besides "change" and "Joe," here are five other phrases that would be best struck from the linguistic record for the next three weeks:

1. Game-changer. Lifted from the wide world of sports, this one was entered into the '08 vernacular by the Clinton camp -- only it doesn't seem to want to make as graceful an exit as Hillary did. I even saw a fucking cellphone commercial during last night's debate that used "game-changer" as its central catchphrase. Enough already with the changing of the games -- this election is more than a game.

2. My friends. John McCain must be a lucky guy to have all these friends. To hear it from him, everyone is his friend. But I will call major bullshit on one thing: He referred to Joe the Plumber of Ohio as his "old buddy" last night. What, do these guys go way back? I think not. Let's not deceive voters here, Senator.

3. Middle class. Look, I think it's smart for Sen. Obama to have his homestretch message focus on improving economic conditions for the middle class. But there's a fine line between focus and obsession.

4. Fannie and Freddie. I liked it a lot better when I equated these names with sweet, elderly extras from Fried Green Tomatoes, not the financial equivalent of the Titanic.

5. Maverick. This requires no explaining. Let's just say the NBA's Dallas Mavericks are considering changing their name to the Conformists.

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