Soon to be forced out of Magnolia, Nickelsville’s “Nickelodeons” are petitioning private property owners for access to a plot of land . Nevertheless, the best


South Lake Union: The Perfect Home for Nickelsville

Soon to be forced out of Magnolia, Nickelsville’s “Nickelodeons” are petitioning private property owners for access to a plot of land. Nevertheless, the best location remains untapped and, seemingly, unconsidered. A little unsolicited advice to the Nickelodeons: go to South Lake Union.

The whole purpose of using the name Nickelsville is to call out the mayor for his failure to prioritize basic services and shelter and provide what he promised. What better place to do this then his favorite neighborhood, his top priority, the little magic-land with the King Friday trolley? Why continue to strand yourselves in the far corners of the city? South Lake Union Park is a prime piece of real estate and there are several empty lots in the area that might also work nicely.


Reasons to choose South Lake Union are almost too numerous to list. Here are the top ten:

10. Exposure: Twice a day, you’ll have a captive audience in Mercer Mess-mired commuters.

9. Ride the SLUT: Honor system streetcar essentially doubles the size of the ride-free zone. It drops you off three blocks from the Red Lion Hotel and its nightly free taco bar.

8. Get Comped: The city’s looking to spend about $190 million widening Mercer street. Some of that money will go towards compensating owners of condemned property. Plant your flag, get condemned, and demand your compensation. No more getting kicked out for free.

7. Growth Plan: The mayor’s made clear he wants to direct population growth into a few urban centers, one of which is South Lake Union. You’re just doing your part.

6. It’s “a city within a city, where LIVELY workplaces, shops, restaurants, schools, parks, entertainment and recreation are located in a dynamic, emerging neighborhood.” –Vulcan Real Estate

5. Corporate Neighbors: Abundance of camping supplies available at nearby REI, and overstock books in Amazon recycling bins provide excellent kindling for barrel fires.

4. Air Traffic Safety: Mass of pink tents at water’s edge provides helpful landmark to seaplanes landing in inclement weather.

3. Johnny Law in a Bind: Vulcan regularly holds outdoor tent parties in the neighborhood; if cops crack down on you, claim selective enforcement.

2. Paul Allen: Nickelsville could use a high-powered friend. Ply or threaten him with potential name-change to Allentown.

1. Photo-Op: Pink tents and purple and red SLUTs make perfect valentine to the mayor.

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