Murderer on the Loose in Ballard


In the wee hours of May 30, a Ballard chicken named Lucy (pictured above, in an open casket) was decapitated by an unidentified raccoon. Lucy's master, Voracious contributor/Renaissance man Brad Hole, reasoned that it was a raccoon instead of an opossum that did the killing because 'coons typically go for the head, whereas opossums attack from the rear. To protect his surviving two chickens, Marshmallow and Henrietta, from future backyard attacks, Hole has opted to purchase a set of automatic, ultra hi-tech doors from a British manufacturer for his coop, to the tune of some $300. "Those are some expensive eggs," quips the grieving master.

Seeing as investigating livestock homicide falls outside the purview of the Seattle Police Department, Hole is taking justice into his own hands, Chuck Norris style. A couple nights after Lucy's murder, he set a trap out, using watermelon, bacon, and -- ironically, considering it's the name of one of the survivors -- marshmallow as bait. Come Monday morning, Hole awoke to find a perpetrator encaged in the trap. Only it wasn't a 'coon; it was an opossum (pictured below), whom Hole loosed into the streets of Ballard a short time thereafter, promising not to rest until the alleged killer is behind bars.


In the meantime, Hole's heart yearns for a chicken that he acknowledges was his favorite of the trio. "Lucy was always the one with the most personality and was quick to jump up on your lap, like a cat to be petted," he says. "Lucy was my best friend. I had just taught her a trick -- to jump for oatmeal. We became aquainted almost three years ago through Craigslist. She was a mere $8 but I knew she had a lot of potential. Her blue-green eggs stood out from the rest. She will be missed."

We will update you on this unsolved murder as information becomes available.

comments powered by Disqus