Jim Carrey deals with an ornry youth in Me, Myself & Irene.

When it comes to dealing with unruly kids on the ferry, everyone has


Kids the Worst Ferry Riders? Hardly


Jim Carrey deals with an ornry youth in Me, Myself & Irene.

When it comes to dealing with unruly kids on the ferry, everyone has their own tactic. Some move. Others try “the look.” Very few ever say anything. I'm somewhat sympathetic. As a product of schools on the west side, I took many ferry rides to field trips in town. (I still talk about my third-grade trip to the fortune cookie factory, which included all we could eat.) I wasn't exactly a quiet kid, either.

So, I've opted for the plug and crank method of giving the kids their space and keeping my sanity. My trusty earbuds and the most recent episode of Meet the Press have gotten me through many rides alongside screaming adolescents. But, sometimes, there are things that even Steve Jobs couldn't have seen coming. Like the other day, when a young man of 5 years climbed on the back of my seat, watched me watch Me, Myself & Irene (thanks, Hulu), and swung his head back and forth, inches from my forehead. I was ready to toss him to the sea lions. And from the look on his dad's face, I probably wouldn't have faced any charges.

This week a rider took his cause to the next level, shooting off letter of complaint to WSF and a handful of west side school districts. “I believe the above school districts are unaware of the inconvenience they cause to the everyday commuter when they do not provide alternate transportation for their students on field trips to the east side of Puget Sound via the ferry,” he wrote. His questions and suggestions ranged from the hilarious, “What is the screening process for chaperons? Do they go through a criminal background check?” to the absurd suggestion that students remain in their bus for the entire trip (60 minutes from Bremerton).

And while the author's gripe was pointed as much at the chaperons and WSF's handling of the field trip (pre-boarding for groups of kids?), he certainly makes clear that he views groups of kids on board as an inconvenience, if not a nuisance. But, if we're going to have a serious conversation about the most annoying, inconsiderate, and downright offensive riders of our ferries, kids do not even register among my worst offenders:

Post-game drunks: You're loud, you wrestle, you smell like plastic bottles of MGD. No, I'm not just talking about the Navy kids, either. After spending an hour with y'all it almost makes the night out not worth it. This isn't Greek Row.

Anyone barking into their phone longer than 70 seconds: I'd rather live through the roar of 100 8 year olds than a single person walking that patient someone on the other end of the line through their entire, miserable day, or, (and this has happened) your job interview with an employer that happens to be a friend of mine. This isn't your living room.

Those of you who take up entire benches to sleep: It's not that I want to sit next to you, it's that when I get on the boat after you, you've left that bench smelling like dorm-room bedsheets. The air—ripened by the ferry's phantom heat lamps—actually tastes like B.O. and drool many mornings, thanks to you people. This isn't your bedroom.

Please, the next time you're about smack Jimmy for kicking the back of your seat, wipe up your spit, put down your phone, and ask him what he liked best about his trip to the aquarium.

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