Nobody Reads the Seattle Times

At least not in this hilarious e-mail witticism a friend just forwarded to me:

1. 'The Wall Street Journal' is read by the people who run the country.

2. 'The Washington Post' is read by people who think they run the country.

3. 'The New York Times' is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. 'USA Today' is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. 'The Los Angeles Times' is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country -- if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. 'The Boston Globe' is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.

7. 'The New York Daily News' is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. 'The New York Post' is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as those people do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. 'The Miami Herald' is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. 'The San Francisco Chronicle' is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it, but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not heterosexual or Republicans.

11. 'The National Enquirer' is read by people trapped in line at the supermarket.

12. 'The Oregonian' is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something in which to wrap it.

13. Because newspapers come from paper that comes from processed fiber that comes from trees, nobody reads 'The Seattle Times.'

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