Fred Thompson has decided that this year?s presidential race is just too much to bear . I never thought I?d say this, but I feel


Campaign 2008 is Too Sexy for Fred Thompson and Me


Fred Thompson has decided that this year?s presidential race is just too much to bear. I never thought I?d say this, but I feel you, Fred.

Mitt ?Keeper of the Real? Romney celebrated Martin Luther King Day by posing with black children, asking ?who let the dogs out?? and giving big ups for ?bling-bling.? The campaign of Mike Huckabee had to distance itself from Chuck Norris, who speculated that a President John McCain would likely die while in office, leading a noted political blogger to wonder why the Huckabee campaign didn?t have someone less closely associated with it deliver the hit. Yup, that?s right: a major candidate is having to watch the statements of Chuck Norris because people assume they come from his campaign. Take a step back and think about that. Would your 2006 self have believed this if told of it by your 2008 self?


The other main G.O.P. contender, the aforementioned Mr. McCain, actually trails Romney and Huckabee in the delegate count, though he?s feted Mr. Inevitible by a fawning press and supported by majority winning 2000 VP candidate Joe Lieberman, who?s proudly gone from Freedom Rider to fake violence watchdog to real violence advocate. Why does the media so love McCain? Well, he tells funny jokes. And he leads all of the main contenders in Curtis LeMay seances and imperialistic pipe dreams, singing ditties on bombing Iran and professing his great-great-grandchildren?s willingness to hold it down in Mesopotamia. After all, those IEDs aren?t just going to detonate themselves.

On the fringes are Rudy ?0.8181818? Giuliani (do the math), a tough guy who thinks McCain?s foreign policy isn?t balls-to-the-wall enough, and Ron Paul and his army of junior Larouchies and militiamen who just want to smoke pot and return to the gold standard because, like the god of William Safire?s late political column, they think that?s really solid economic policy. Also, the federal government is a frivolity.

Meanwhile, in Donkeyville, Hillary Clinton, who voted for the Iraq War and against a ban on the use of cluster bombs in civilian areas, has implied that she's the heir to the civil rights change-makers of the 1960s, because she?s ?experienced.? She's experienced not because she?s been in office so much longer (she hasn?t), but because, well, she?s married to Bill, the dignified elder statesmen-cum-attack dog who?s classily dismissed his wife's chief rival Barack Obama's candidacy as a "fairy tale" and "roll of the dice". Obama's record on social issues and foreign policy is to the left of Edwards and Clinton, though this seems lost on the party?s primary voters, who still take marching orders from the guy who told John Kerry to support anti-gay marriage amendments in 2004. The "poverty candidate", John Edwards, deserves credit for making the plight of the poor a campaign subject (rather than an embarrassing secret hiding in the shadows of ?middle class? rhetoric), but spent his time in the Senate doing the bidding of the credit industry.

Can you bear it for ten more months? Only a fool would expect anything less, but this campaign?s so sexy it hurts.

comments powered by Disqus

Friends to Follow