Buoyed by the apparent electoral success of his Initiative 960, which places numerous restrictions on state spending, Tim Eyman has already announced plans for his next campaign for financial accountability. At a press conference he explained how I-961, which begins gathering signatures immediately for the 2008 ballot, would strike even closer to home.
?I am sick and tired of the reckless waste of our hard-earned cash because of irresponsible leadership,? said Eyman. ?We need to put a tourniquet on the spending, a dam on the money gushing, a corral around the wild greenbacks trying to escape the lasso of public scrutiny.
?For this reason, I-961 will require that all expenditures over $1,000 by the Eyman family be approved by two thirds of the legislature. Thus, though I dearly want one of those new 54-inch flat-screen TV?s from Circuit City, our elected officials need to be held accountable for this endless cycle of earn-and-spend!
?For Eyman family outlays between $500 and $1,000, my wife and I will conduct telephone polls of random households around Puget Sound. If we can?t get 50 percent approval for, say, a new set of snow tires for the minivan, that?s the beauty of democracy. The hardworking people will have said ?No!? to broken budgets and waste. If that means we gotta drive the baldies to get our sons to school in winter, that?s just another sign of fiscal responsibility.
?Spending below $500, like that Sharper Image massage chair I?ve had my eye on, will require wallet authorization from a simple majority of members on the King County Council, all of whom I have on speed dial. That way their votes will be on record! This is how democracy is supposed to work, people!
?Impulse purchases of $25 and under: We all know what it?s like to run out of MGD, Cialis, and ciggies at one o?clock in the morning. For this reason, a quorum will be held in the 7-Eleven parking lot--using available citizens at hand, sworn and deputized by me--to weigh the expenditure. It?s worked quite well in the past. You government bureaucrats should listen more often to the wisdom of the common man. Or the common teenager in a Metallica T-shit, especially when there?s an extra half-rack in it for him.?
?In conclusion, it?s time to send a message to Olympia! Our elected leaders just don?t get it! Someone?s got to put a stop to runaway spending and broken budgets, especially here! And if I can?t, the people will.?