Swashbuckling Summer Guide 2010

An eye-patched guide to hot, rum-fueled carousing.

By Mike Seely

published: June 02, 2010

  • Peter Mumford
    Join Seafair Pirate Barnacle on his hot summer night of debauchery.
    Join Seafair Pirate Barnacle on his hot summer night of debauchery.

Details:

Swashbuckling Summer Guide 2010

Seafair Pirates: Meet the men behind the marauding-over cocktails, of
course.

Where's Johnny Depp?: The search for Vashon Island's most famous new (alleged) resident.

Buried Treasure: Das Booty's rock operas sparked a pirate culture
renaissance.

Captain's Grog: A highly subjective tour of six local pirate bars.

The Rum Diaries: The top five rum drinks in the Greater Seattle area.

Todd's Shipyarrs: A Lake Union captain offers sailing to the sick.

Skyline Chilling: Where to booze under the sun in a city known for its
rain.

Portland's Plunder: The Rose City's pirate record cruelly snapped by
Brits.

Cannonball!: The best planks (i.e., diving boards) to walk while nearly
naked.

Adventures on the High C's: Sefaring summer operas abound!

Summer Events Calendar: SW's picks for what to do this summer, including stuff that has nothing to do with Jack Sparrow.
 

OK, we'll admit Dave Eggers' opening of faux pirate-supply stores as hipster fronts for writing centers may have been the bepatched ones' walk-the-plank moment in the pop-cultural zeitgeist. But really, who cares about the zeitgeist? Zeitgeist is such an annoying word anyway (although the coffee shop rocks), hinting at a lack of durability. And pirates are nothing if not durable.

You've seen those "Rehab Is for Quitters" bumper stickers, right? Pirates had those affixed to the backs of their ships well before Chris Columbus happened upon America. And if you're willing to accept Vikings as the first pirates, then their lifespan dates closer to the death of Jesus than it does to the Skypes, Androids, and Black Eyed Peas of modern times.

The swashbuckling ethos still permeates the modi operandi of major international port cities, including Seattle. Rum? Still pouring. Planks? Now known as "diving boards." Rape? Since criminalized. The hostile seizure and subsequent inhabitation of previously remote islands? As American as truck racing and pulled pork, bubba. Sailboats? Everywhere. Mustaches? As long as cops and musicians continue to walk the earth. Eye patches? Paging Dr. Fefer. Capri pants? Barely tolerated, but, like burlesque and karaoke, so much more than just a 15-minute starlet.

Pirates thrive in summer, due in large part to the relatively agreeable weather. Summer is when they're out and proud, much like Seattleites. Pirates and Seattle. Seattle and pirates. Seafair pirates! That's inspiration—and that's the inspiration for Seattle Weekly's Swashbuckling Summer Guide. Get through the following several pages on your own two feet, and you'll never look at a sword—or the sun—the same way again. Plus, you'll know precisely where and when to let your "aarrrgghh" flag fly. Not that you can't do that anywhere; it's just more acceptable in McCaw Hall.