In a world where everything seems capable of killing you?where oil wells are exploding and breakfast cereals are giving people explosive diarrhea and animals are attacking people in the street?dieting is for suckers. And when talking isn't enough to convince myself or my friends that self-denial is the worst kind of abuse, there's always the twice-baked almond croissant from Bakery Nouveau with which to argue that skipping the sweet stuff is not just pointless but cruel. Nouveau is run by 20-year pastry veterans William and Heather Leaman, and their signature croissant is simply amazing?a crisp skin puffed up with layers of buttery, flaky pastry, filled with an almond paste restrained enough that eating it doesn't taste like chewing a mouthful of liquid candy. Top all that with a gentle fall of powdered sugar and parade it in front of someone on Atkins or South Beach, and you know what you'll have? One less almond croissant and one ex-dieter finally realizing the futility of self-improvement. ?Jason Sheehan 4737 California Ave. S.W., 923-0534