Last year's winner in this category was a clinical psychologist. This year I've decided to take it more literally. I've had more experience with physical

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Best Person to Get You Off Your Ass

Bart Simons

Last year's winner in this category was a clinical psychologist. This year I've decided to take it more literally. I've had more experience with physical therapists than I'd care to recount. And many of those experiences have been something less than therapeutic. There was the P.T. at the UW who told me that maybe my hamstring wasn't getting any better because I just didn't want to get well. There was the ex–Florida cheerleader who popped her gum and flirted with the Sonics benchwarmer across the room while half-assedly providing "deep tissue" work on my foot with one finger. There was the New-Ager who simply hovered her hands above my afflicted toe, insisted the problem originated in my jaw, and subjected me to Enya. Then I found Bart Simons. True, there are countless physical therapists in this town—perhaps one for every three actual joggers—and it would be pretty hard to determine the best. But all I can say is Bart got that stubborn hamstring back in action, not to mention a few other defective appendages over the years. In my many hours at his place, I've seen him deal with everyone from hardcore, super-motivated über-jocks to the utterly defeated, physically maimed, or obese, and they all relate to him in a special way. See him on the street and you might mistake him for an accountant, but he can put much more than your books in order.—Mark D. Fefer

 
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