Email Author Bret Fetzer

1998 Stories by Bret Fetzer

• A star is born

  published December 23, 1998

  Since her father's death, LV—short for Little Voice—has spent most of her life in her upstairs room, listening to her father's... More >>

• Where's the promised land?

  published December 23, 1998

  Before there were special effects, miracles must have been really impressive. Nowadays, people have a critical eye—they want some serious... More >>

• Star Drek

  published December 16, 1998

  Now that the new movie is out, it's clear: The Star Trek franchise is dead. At least Patrick Stewart has a career doing one-man... More >>

• The Simple Complex

  published December 9, 1998

  A Simple Plan features withered corpses, hungry ravens, mysterious FBI agents, and cold white expanses of snow. Yet the creepiest... More >>

• Things fall apart

  published December 2, 1998

  As Anne's eyes wander a restaurant, Pierre stares into them, looking for an answer; what has changed? Is there someone else? She says... More >>

• Guilt trip

  published November 25, 1998

  Thrillers center around innocent people wrongly accused or cool, collected criminals at the top of their game. The innocent and the... More >>

• Winded before it gets going

  published November 18, 1998

  The Wind in the Willows is a book that enchants adults and bores children. Kids have no patience for its nostalgic lyricism,... More >>

• In living color

  published November 11, 1998

  After closing his father's grocery store alone on graduation night, Sin (Michael Daeho Chung) meets with his gang of friends and reports... More >>

• Bill's excellent adventure

  published November 11, 1998

  After two copulating birds bash into his satellite dish, the blandly handsome Grant develops god-like powers. When he and his new bride,... More >>

• Fresh product

  published October 28, 1998

  Every year, intrepid directors make hundreds of films that will never be seen. Most of these films deserve to vanish from the face of... More >>

• Color my world

  published October 21, 1998

  American movies view innocence as a state of grace: Kids brim over with unsullied joy, the past is untarnished with modern knowledge and... More >>

• From Old-School Treatise to Wiseass Rant

  published October 14, 1998

  Because no one has ever made a barrel of money from one, the essay remains one of the few forms offering true literary... More >>

• Bacon, raw

  published October 14, 1998

  About the point when the naked buttocks of two men were writhing on a bed in the midst of darkness, it occurred to me that this film had... More >>

• Portrait of the sexpot as a young girl

  published October 7, 1998

  Bret Fetzer: The novel Lolita is more than 40 years old, but there's no sign that our culture has gotten comfortable with its... More >>

• Give up on this ghost

  published September 30, 1998

  B>The camera looks down on Robin Williams from a god-like perspective. He's floating in an adorable little punt on a gorgeous lake in some... More >>

• Our man Chan

  published September 23, 1998

  Jackie Chan's arms hovered in the air, like a conductor about to begin a symphony. Suddenly his hands moved wildly, one snapping out... More >>

• Pick a pecker

  published September 23, 1998

  You're sitting in a dark theater, watching John Waters' new movie, Pecker, thinking yourself pretty unflappable. All of a sudden... More >>

• Dronin' away

  published September 23, 1998

  For an action flick, Ronin comes with a high pedigree. Directed by John Frankenheimer (The Manchurian Candidate), it stars... More >>

• Fine 'tooned'

  published September 23, 1998

  The mere act of hanging a comic strip in a museum raises questions. Why take an individual comic strip—something created for mass... More >>

• Honey, I shrunk the screen

  published September 9, 1998

  The contemporary cineplex resembles something out of Brave New World or 1984: Row after row of shoebox-shaped rooms filled... More >>

• With friends like these...

  published August 19, 1998

  Every so often someone decides it's time to be honest. Writer/director Neil LaBute's first film, In the Company of Men, showed... More >>

• Another tough-guy copper

  published August 12, 1998

  Action movie cops always have a bad reputation—be it from excessive fervor (Dirty Harry), "crazy" behavior (Lethal... More >>

• Disney's shocker

  published June 24, 1998

  It shocks me to say this out loud, but Mulan—the new Disney animated movie—is downright elegant ("elegant,"... More >>

• Creepy, spooky, stupid

  published June 24, 1998

  The X-Files movie has everything the TV series has, except for one crucial ingredient: commercial breaks. Everyone should go out... More >>

• A grump's SIFF advice: 'No habla inglés'

  published May 13, 1998

  If you play it right, the Seattle International Film Festival is an opportunity to be as surprised as possible. Here are some gentle... More >>