Exclusive Interview: Augusten Burroughs

Augusten Burroughs is the rock star of the tell-all dysfunctional memoir genre, thanks to his best-selling Running With Scissors. The New York-based writer took some time before swinging to Town Hall to chat about his new book, A Wolf at The Table: A Memoir of My Father, journalists (fuck), and how to housetrain a puppy.

Tell me how much you’re loving this rain.
You know what, I actually like this weather. I like the rain. What I like about Seattle is that people are so used to the rain that they still do stuff. They don’t stay indoors, take antidepressants, and read novels. They just go out and get wet.

What’s it like touring and promoting A Wolf at the Table? It’s about the tumultuous relationship with your father, but it isn’t funny like your other stuff.
I could’ve made it funny, but to me, that was disingenuous. My sense of humor is really nothing more than a flashy defense mechanism. But I hadn’t developed that yet when I was living with my father. I didn’t have that cynicism or snarkiness yet.

So yeah, I was definitely a little apprehensive. I’m not cracking any jokes. I’m just reading these dark, depressing essays. There’s no turning the situation over and tickling it on the underbelly.

Speaking of turning over a situation... some people are suspicious that these memoirs aren’t exactly... errr.... memoirs.
All I can do is maintain that I do my best job to tell the story of my life. I don’t need to embellish or make things up. My life has been very eventful. You know who it is that doubts me? It’s privileged, educated white people who went to good schools and got little journalism degrees. But my readers are from all walks of life and they know I’m not full of shit. I don’t even care anymore what the media says about me.

Do you care what your fans say about you? Are you worried A Wolf at the Table might alienate some of them?
You know, I used to work in advertising and when the ad people were working on a project, they’d identify the target market, say 18-34 year-old women, and then we’d clip out pictures from magazines. They’d say she drives a Ford and has two children. One plays soccer and the other one is in tae kwon do. They’d try to really humanize this audience and write ads to this very tailored person... And that’s why so many ads are so horrible and don’t mean a thing to you. If you want to connect with people, you have to connect with yourself.

Gotcha. Any projects you’re working on now?
I’m working on a collection of holiday stories. I love the holidays, but all of mine have been very hideous. I’m working on putting together these really awful but funny ones. I’m going to title it You Better Not Cry.

You’re a prolific writer, but you’ve said before that you have no formal education beyond elementary school. Do you ever think about going to college?
I think about it everyday. The problem is, I want to study astrophysics and cosmology. But I don’t know math. And when I say I don’t know math, I don’t even know division.

It’s okay. I barely do either. Anyway, I know you've gotta get to Town Hall pretty soon. I've gotta get going myself. I've got a new puppy on my hands.
What kind of puppy is she?

A Chihuahua.
Chihuahuas are smart. I have two French Bulldogs. They are very willful and stubborn. Even after they were housetrained, they would go on the carpet because they thought it was much easier than moving. Are you housetraining her?

I’m trying. She doesn’t seem to get it.
You’ve got to get these little drops that come in a dark brown bottle... they’re basically fake pee. You put two-four drops on the wee pad and she’ll smell it, and it will activate her desire to pee. And then get her freeze-dry liver. As soon as she starts to pee, say good pee and feed her the freeze-dry liver while she’s in the process, so she associates that with the liver.

Does this really work?
I’ve housetrained more than a dozen dogs.You’ll have her done in a week.

A week?!
It totally works. Trash me if it doesn’t work. But you’ve got to get those drops.

Topics: books

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Weekend Review: Cat Fancy, ComiCon, Kinky Carnival

Photo by Damien Jones.

The 4th Annual Kinky Carnival, celebrating a "safe playground for the secret hedonist in you," went down at the Ballard's OddFellows Hall on Saturday, May 10.

Photos by Damien Jones.

Emerald City ComicCon celebrated its sixth year over two days at the convention center. Our man Damien Jones was on the ground chatting up Captain America, storm troopers, and other heroes that blur the line between fact and fantasy.

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Topics: Weekend Review

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This Weekend: An Opening, and Two Talks

Image courtesy of OKOK gallery.

Dutch artist Ron van der Ende, who was born in Delft (home of the famous blue porcelain dishware), here makes his U.S. debut. “Motor Memory”� renders manufactured machines as oversized, hand-wrought bas-relief figures. Those on display include a Boeing 727, the S.S. Roosevelt (the schooner used for Robert Peary’s historic but ill-fated North Pole expedition), and two Citroen DS automobiles (those iconic, beautifully streamlined French sedans with their adjustable hydraulic suspension). The title of this show refers both to the motor-powered objects being modeled and van der Ende’s time-intensive manual recreations of same. His fragile reproductions of vintage vehicles are made of balsa and scrap wood.
OKOK Gallery, 5107 Ballard Ave. N.W., 789-6242.
Opens, Saturday, May 11, 6-10 p.m. Free. Mon.-Sun. Ends June 10.

Also this weekend:
A brunch-time campfire artist's talk with Susan Robb at Lawrimore Project, with beverages, and biscuits and gravy (Saturday, noon, free).

And, most notably, a rare talk by Chuck Close, with buddy and collaborator Bob Holman in connection with the current exhibit at the Tacoma Art Museum (Sunday, 2 p.m., at the Pantages Theater, $15).

Topics: Visual Art

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Just What Has Brodeur Just Done?

Behold this headshot of picket line-crossing Times' columnist Nicole Brodeur, which runs with her every scribble. Unlike other headshots, this one has an air of fashion to it — a far cry from the sit and pose stylings of most daily newspaper columnists. Here, it actually looks like Brodeur has just done something. But just what has 'ol Nic just done? Has she just put away the groceries? Just finished mowing the lawn? Just watched Shakes the Clown's DVD extras? Just gotten home from a paintballing excursion with the Blethen clan? Just finished banging out a column about herself? Just been fucked? Just what? Pray tell.

Topics: Aquatic Fashion

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For the Dogs

Stein and his family dog, Comet. (Photo by Frank Huster)

After Oprah, having a display at Starbucks may be the most effective way to launch a book. The coffee giant has previously selected Mitch Albom (ugh), Ishmael Beah (hooray!), and David Sheff (meth!) for its book program; now Mount Baker resident Garth Stein is getting the same treatment for his novel The Art of Racing in the Rain (Harper, $23.95), about car racing, dogs, reincarnation, and an ugly child-custody battle. He told me about it over coffee recently (I won’t say where, though no green mermaids were in sight). His former New York agent rejected Stein’s third novel, saying, “we couldn’t sell it because it’s narrated by a dog,”� apparently oblivious to the fact that most author photos include a golden retriever. His new agent got a feeler from a scout from Starbucks Entertainment, and soon Art of Racing “is gonna be in 7,000 Starbucks.”� He launches a national tour Tues. May 13 at the Starbucks in Madison Park, with more Seattle readings later this summer (see the book’s Web site for schedule). The novel is based in part on Stein’s amateur racing with an old junker Miata after the Shoreline native returned home in 2001 following 18 years in New York. At Pacific Raceways (formerly SIR), “I reached the limit of what I could do without being independently wealthy. You see these guys out there with their quarter-million dollar cars.”� (So that’s why we need to upgrade to Vista”�to pay for those Redmond Ferraris.) “It all came to an end in a terrible crash, of course. I hit the concrete barrier. I was going over 100 mph. I had a concussion. My wife said, ‘And the good news is, you’re retired.’”� Their third child displaced Stein from his old home office; now he writes at a rented desk over a pizzeria. But he and his 74-year-old father still go to the track for fun, non-competitive laps and “this whole Zen of racecars, the balance and anticipation and being in the moment.”� Which Art of Racing’s protagonist (the dog’s owner) needs during a family crisis. Stein will again take the wheel for a local driving tour of smaller Northwestern bookstores late this summer”�wearing his seatbelt and obeying the speed limit, no doubt.

Starbucks, 4000 E. Madison St., 329-3736, www.starbucks.com. Free. 7 p.m. Tues., May 13. Also: Barnes & Noble (University Village), 517-4107, www.barnesandnoble.com. Free. 7:30 p.m. Wed. May 14.

Topics: books

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Keeping Up With the Johnses

Known mainly for her NC-17 sense of humor and showing up for work in sweatsuits, it appears as though SW production manager Claudia Johns can paint as well. And she paints quite well. Check it out.

Topics: Visual Art

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Tonight: Second Thursday

Saul Becker, Untitled, 2008, 22.75" x 18", ink and gouache on paper
Image: Platform.com

Just a few of the events I'll be trying to pack into my art-looking evening:

Cornish's BFA Shows, opening 5-9 p.m.
Always packed with wall-to-wall bodies, proud grandmas, and promising —sometimes fantastic— art.

Platform's opening, 5:30-8 p.m.
They're talking landscape art, but not of the pretty fields variety.
See images here.

And, if I can make it across the water (oh, I wish it were not such a big if).

Heads (dis)Embodied at the Kirkland Art Center, curated by Jim McDonald, with work by Claire Cowie, Scott Fife, Sherry Markovitz, Shawn Nordfors, and Dan Webb, among others. Opening 6-8 p.m.

Also across the water (though not for tonight) the (already-opened) Mandy Greer installation at BAM. A glimpse here.

Want more? Look here.

Topics: Visual Art

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ANTM Distaff: Big Fun at the Finish Line

The most heinous contestant (Dominique) in the history of America's Next Target Model finally got the boot last night, which leaves us with three flawed (they're always flawed on this show) but evenly-matched fillies vying for the jewel of the Thread Count crown at the top of the stretch. Here's our predicted order of finish on May 14:

Show: Anya Kop. A classic rabbit, this skinny, luminous bottle blonde would definitely be the safest pick if Tyra's panel wants to ensure their champ actually finds work in the modeling industry after the show's over. But that's rarely what ANTM, a show that inspires such passion as to lead to mortal combat, has aspired to, and Anya doesn't do herself any favors when she opens her mouth and spews forth that grating, one-of-a-kind Hawiiarican (even though she's white) accent. She'll be the first one lopped off come Wednesday.

Place: Fatima Siad. She's made a game charge from the back of the pack and has the handicapable card to play with that mutilated vadge, but ultimately, two things are going to prevent her from entering the winner's circle: (1) the shoot she missed as a result of her visa snafu, as the finalists' entire body of work is inevitably taken into account at this stage of the game, and (2) simple demographics: While ANTM has plucked minorities aplenty to wear its crown, it's never plucked a plus-sizer, which leads us to our champ...

Win: Whitney Thompson. With her Dallas Cowboy cheerleader looks and curvy frame, this powerful filly — our pick from the start (or close to it) — will never be "couture" or "high fashion." She may not even be "commercial." But she'll win here, both because she's far and away the best-looking plus (read: normal) size model ever to appear on the show, and because she seems to have a pretty good head on her shoulders. Hence, she'll be cast as a "role model" in her post-ANTM career. And she may even get to scamper down the Mall of Americas runway in a dress with a giant red dot on it at some point, too, because that's what America's Next Target Model is all about.

Topics: Top Model

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Photo of the Day: Rocking Out With Dad

One of the many little ones in the crowd at the Ben Folds' show at the University of Puget Sound on April 27th jams with dad.
Photo by Joshua Lynch

Topics: Photo of the Day

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Separated at Fremont

Area waitress Antonia Greco, who, as noted in this week's cover story, has a knack for sharing intimate moments with international celebrities like Gary Busey and James Blunt. Here, in a Thread Count exclusive, she recounts an intimate moment shared with a local celebrity: the Fremont Bridge. Writes Greco:

Two years ago, for no good or apparent reason, I moved to Seattle from a small town in New York. Since then, I have lived happily ever after in the Emerald City. I have always been a runner, so no matter where I am in the world, I am always in search of good running routes.

When I lived downtown, my running route used to be along the piers on the waterfront; a lovely run, might I add. About a year ago though, I moved into the Queen Anne area, so naturally, my running route would have to change. Being new to the hood, my friend, who happened to live in Queen Anne, suggested that I run along Lake Union or to head over the Fremont Bridge and pick up the Burke-Gliman trail.

Even after living in Seattle for over a year, I would still confuse all of the bridges. There was the Aurora Bridge, the Fremont Bridge, the Ballard Bridge, the I-5 Bridge, etc. I didn’t have a car. I never drove in Seattle. Why the hell would I care which bridge was which. Heck, I’ve still never even been to Northgate!

Anyway, I decided to take the advice of my friend and head into Fremont and run on whatever this Burke-Gilman trail was all about. Apparently, this involved crossing the Fremont Bridge.

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Topics: Exotic Locales

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