News broke yesterday that Bertha, the deep-bore tunnel drill, was stuck 60

News broke yesterday that Bertha, the deep-bore tunnel drill, was stuck 60 feet under Seattle. However, what’s exactly blocking the old gal’s way was unknown. “We don’t know whether it is man-made or natural,” a Washington State Department of Transportation spokeswoman told The Seattle Times. With that in mind, we offer our best guesses at what’s holding up Bertha.

1. 1999 Schwinn buried by Mike McGinn in sacred midnight offering to the gods of alternative transportation

2. Ye Ole Curiosity Shop’s Ye Ole Cellar Full o’ Tourist Crap

3. An Amazon Prime Subterranean Delivery Drone

4. A giant cache of Beats by Dre Headphones

5. The gutter of the American League West

6. Operator accidently grabbed wife’s keys this morning

7. James McNerney’s Dignity

8. Little somethin’ somethin’ left by the Duwamish

9. A vein of “blight gas”

10. Richard Conlin’s political career

Above: McGinn’s sacred offering