Same-Sex Bitchy Ex

Dear Dategirl,

Here is the situation: I dated a girl for a few months. It was complicated, as she'd just broken up with her long-term girlfriend, and I was not sure if I was gay. At first she said she didn't want anything serious, but a couple months down the line she said she wouldn't do something if there was no long-term potential.

I bought her tickets to a show for her birthday, and we went and had a great time. But then suddenly she was always "too busy" to see me. So I told her via text that I had feelings for her. She said she doesn't have any for me, and we haven't talked since. It's been a few months, but her silence is a clear indicator that I never meant anything.

That hurt, but what hurts more is that I realized she was making fun of me on her Facebook wall. It doesn't directly mention my name or anything, but I know I am being referenced, and that makes the pain worse. I unfriended her.

Though she's completely out of my life, I'm still tempted to write her an angry e-mail. I know I shouldn't, but I'm so hurt! She's always in my thoughts, although I know she treated me terribly. I've even been on dates, but none compare to her. On top of this, my sister is not speaking to me because I told her how hurt I was, and she was disgusted I was with a woman.

I think maybe I should take a break from dating, and also sort out my sexual orientation. What do you think?

—Heartbroken

Nope, I don't think you should take a break from dating to sort out your sexual orientation. You obviously like girls, maybe you like dudes too—you don't need to pick one. In time, it'll probably become clear that you prefer one gender to another, or maybe it'll always be a tie and you're bi. But for now, get out there and meet as many people as you can.

It sounds to me like this cadette was your first dip in the lady pool, which is probably why her rejection stung that much more. For you, this relationship was a big step. For her, it was a rebound. As cliché as it sounds (and is), you were at different places in your lives.

Unfriending this chick was good, but blocking her will be better. That way you can't be tempted to back-alley your way onto her profile again. Forget about her stupid passive-aggressive posts, because those things inevitably make the author look like more of an asshole than their intended target. Be warned that if you write her a nasty note, you're going to look like the unhinged ex. So don't. (This is firsthand knowledge I'm dropping here. Learn from my mortifying mistakes, Grasshopper.)

Join online dating sites, tell friends to fix you up, and for chrissakes, don't compare your dates to this bitchy ex. Put your focus ahead and quit looking behind you . . . with one exception. Turn around and tell that small-minded moron sister of yours to fuck the fuck off.

dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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