When Your Friend Loves a Leghumper

Dear Dategirl,

Last night I ran into a good friend of mine and her somewhat-new boyfriend at a party. They've been together about five months. She's totally in love with him and they've been inseparable. Though last night, for some reason, she left the party really early, but he stayed. And he spent a long time talking to me.

He got really, really drunk and started coming on to me pretty hardcore. Even told me that if he was single he'd "really want to fuck me." I changed the subject and kept trying to bring my friend back into the conversation. Eventually another friend intervened (I was obviously annoyed by him), and he left shortly after.

I feel like I should tell my friend, but I'm worried about how to do it. I know he was drunk, but I feel that even when wasted, you wouldn't start hitting on your girlfriend's friends if you weren't, in reality, a douchebag. I'm also worried that if I don't say something about it, another friend might mention it, and then she'll wonder if I'm trying to keep it secret. I'd rather she just heard it from me if she's going to hear about it at all.

It seems like something to tell her in person, but she's so hard to coordinate things like lunch or drinks with. Would it be wrong to e-mail her about this? It feels wrong. I know I don't want to text her about it.

Or should I just let it go and act like none of it happened? I know if I were in her place, I'd want to know about it. I've asked some other friends about it, but most of them told me to talk about it with the boyfriend. But I hardly know him, so that doesn't make sense. This is the first guy she's cared about in a long time, and I hate to ruin it for her.

—Rock Meets Hard Place

You aren't ruining anything. Who knows if they'll even break up over it, but it's on him if they do. Forget about the guilt, you did nothing wrong.

I can only guess that there are unscrupulous, traitorous types who take jerks like this up on their offers, but why do people do this to their GF/BF's friends? I mean, if you want to cheat, go out and locate some stranger. Hitting on her friend is just cruel.

You're right not to text her. While you're (not) at it, don't e-mail, tweet, Facebook-message, or IM her either. If she's impossible to pin down for a glass of wine, pick up the phone and make the call.

Yes, it will suck. But having a witness tell her—and it sounds as if the room was full of them—would be a thousand times worse.

I'm sure some people will disagree and tell you to keep your yap shut, but I'm with you, sister. Oh, and your collective friends' advice that you castigate the horny, drunk guy is just plain stupid. This isn't some guy you've known since you were 14. This is your good friend's new asshole boyfriend. The bond is between you and her, and the sooner she knows what she's dealing with, the better.

dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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