Social-Media Mismanagement

Dear Dategirl,

I need your opinion. Last night my man and I had an argument, and this morning when I woke up and checked Facebook, I had all these concerned posts from friends, wondering if we'd broke up. Weird, since I hadn't told anyone we'd argued. Apparently, though he'd already deleted it by the time I woke up, I guess my BF had expressed his annoyance by posting: "ProTip: Sometimes you're better off single" on his profile page.

This makes me so embarrassed and angry. He took it down before I had a chance to see it, but a lot of our friends saw it. My sister texted, asking if we were "OK." He swears it was only up for a couple hours, but I don't care. He said he was sorry, but I'm still fuming. Who does that? He's 33 years old!

—Facebook Fuckup

I'm still waiting for the couple who dukes it out via Pinterest, but until that day comes, there's always Facebook and Twitter for TMI(diocy).

I'm betting your boyfriend was drinking when he posted his passive-aggressive little jab. Not that drunkenness excuses such a dopey maneuver, but apparently the combination of alcoholic beverages and the chance to avenge a wounded ego publicly can prove irresistible to some. But at least he apologized, and presumably he's embarrassed about being such a dweeb. You can be angry at him, but unless he makes a habit of embarrassing crap like this, I'd let it go.

For future reference, here are some couples guidelines for navigating social media:

• SMDAs are even more annoying than PDAs. You may be in the first throes of romance, but you're going to make every one of your friends throw up if you keep clogging their Twitter feed with cute tidbits about your schmoopie.

• Speaking of which—don't tempt fate. The most egregious offenders from the "I wuv her so much!" school tend to be the quickest to break up. People truly happily in love don't need to bragcast it all over. See: Tom Cruise's couch-jumping spectacle.

• Please don't make your profile photo a couples shot. That's up there with sharing an e-mail address. Even though you are madly in love, you are still (hopefully) an individual, and guess what—chances are you have some friends who can't stand your partner. Don't make us look at him/her, OK?

• If you're going to fight, fight dirty. Watching a couple bicker on Facebook is every bit as dull as having dinner with your aunt and uncle who hate each others' guts yet refuse to divorce. It's always boring passive-aggressive crap like "Someone better learn to appreciate his girlfriend before she says 'Yes' to the handsome client who's always asking her to lunch!" If you're going to fight, go balls- out and straight for the throat, otherwise it's no fun for anyone. Do I want to hear that he left his wet towel on the floor? No. Do I want to hear that he weeps as he climaxes—YES!

dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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