When to Use That Groupon/Issue a Pass On Porn

Dear Dategirl,

Everyone knows that when you use Groupon at a restaurant, the servers HATE you because you're cheap and probably not going to tip. So they treat you like crap. However, I lost my job recently, but still want to date. How many dates do I have to wait to pull out a Groupon? I worry because I don't care if the servers hate ME, but to put someone else through that experience just so I can save a few dollars? I'm just not sure. I know I would think it was tacky and annoying if someone did it to me, yet I'm inclined to do it myself!

—Broke Bottom

The older and broker I get, the more I love a bargain, so my first thought was: Have at it! However, I tend to use these deals either with my LTR or one of my friends. Because I haven't been on a first date in forever, I polled some pals.

Jen, a foxy young writer, said: "That would be a good way for a very frugal person who is not smooth at all to send a social signal that he or she would like to spend the rest of his or her life with another very frugal person who is not smooth at all." Dorks unite!

However, if you're not comfortable thinking of yourself as socially awkward (and frugal), you might try as Amber suggested and "get to the date location early and give them the Groupon beforehand and start a tab or something so your date won't be the wiser."

While several understanding dissenters said they wouldn't mind if their paramour pulled out a discount code, the majority agreed with you that it was tacky and sent a message that you were a cheapskate, with one pal noting that "a guy who was cheap like that right up front would be stingy in a lot of other, more personal ways." Now you're stingy and a selfish lover.

My buddy Ryan was particularly outraged. "Who does that? For crying out loud, on a first date, I don't want the person knowing ANY of my failings," he e-yelped. "On a first date, I am the perfect specimen of modern manhood: rich, intelligent, successful, clean, interesting, attentive, kind, generous, and of course a POWERHOUSE in bed."

So my advice is to play it by ear. If you get wood, prepare to shell out and put off the penny-pinching for the third or fourth date. If they show up and you're less than impressed, whip out that half-price printout and enjoy your discounted dinner, because there's not going to be any dessert anyway.

Dear Dategirl,

Why does my husband lie about looking at porn? I'm not particularly bothered by this habit, but I am bothered by being lied to. I've always thought of him as a straight-shooter, but now I'm questioning that. If he lies about masturbating to people fucking on the Internet, what else might he be lying about?

—Perturbed

A big part of porn's allure—besides the impossibly blonde, Z-cupped faux-nymphos—is that it's forbidden. Even if you're not actually forbidding it.

The risk of getting caught adds a thrill to most illicit activities. Compare your first surreptitious beer to the one you had last night—which tasted better? Illegal drugs will always be more fun than legal ones, simply because you're not supposed to do them. And so it makes sense that wanking it to Lights Out, Lezbos behind your back is far filthier than rubbing one out to Butt Sex Bonanza with your permission.

There are two kinds of men: those who look at porn and those who lie and say they don't. If he's an otherwise trustworthy dude, I'd give him a pass on this.

dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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