Dear Dategirl,
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I've been seeing my man for a little over two years. He's married with two children, but his wife knows about our relationship. They still live together, but he assured me they haven't slept together since right after she got pregnant with their youngest (she's 4). I don't understand how she can stay in this marriage, knowing he's in love with someone else! He can't afford a divorce right now (his business took a hit recently), and I'm being as patient as I can be. But I'm 30 and want children myself. Should I try to talk to his wife?
—Ticking Clock
You're kidding, right? How can you be 30 years old and still not have seen this Lifetime movie? You wonder how his wife—a woman who made a commitment to this douche and has two young children with him—can stay? Yet you don't wonder why you are settling for scraps of attention from a married father of two? And you want to talk to her?
No, you shouldn't talk to his wife. His wife whom he's definitely still sleeping with, by the way. As for the rest of your problem, there are some things I can't fix, and unfortunately for you, stupid is one of them.
My best friend just discovered her boyfriend's Facebook profile after he told her he didn't "believe" in Facebook. She tried to "friend" him and he refused, saying that would just complicate things. Then he told her he deleted it, but he only blocked her because I could still see it (though not much of it, because he has maximum privacy settings). They've been together for over a year. They are probably going to split up when we all go to college in the fall, but she's not sure what to do. I told her she should dump him now so she can have a fun single summer with her girlfriends. Back me up!
—Miss Misery
What kind of high-school student doesn't "believe" in Facebook? Back in my day that would have been like "not believing" in wine coolers. I'm sorry for your friend, but that should've been her first clue.
And while I'm loath to assure you that he's cheating, like our letter-writer above, this dude has a serious case of the stupids. He thinks she won't know he's on Facebook because he blocked her? Does he realize she has friends, family, and classmates, all of whom can access his profile? He's like the toddler who believes he's invisible when he covers his eyes. I mean, even tech-unsavvy Granny over here knows that's not going to work.
Your advice to her is sound; she should dump him. She's obviously unconvinced of this, so if you need backup, show her this column. You may need to do some gentle convincing and be ready with the tissues, because there will be waterworks. Try your best to be kind and patient. Believe me, when it's your turn with the broke-ass heart—sorry, it's inevitable—you'll be happy for the good karma you've racked up.
I can't stand it when my fellow adults belittle teen heartbreak, because though I've had a lot of broken hearts over the years, nothing hurt like the first. The level of pain is shocking because up until that point, you weren't really aware you were capable of feeling so crappy. Much like your first Bartles & Jaymes–inspired hangover.
Here's hoping she comes to her senses and the two of you have a great summer, full of scandalous fun.
dategirl@seattleweekly.com
