Dear Dategirl,
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My girlfriend is extremely concerned with appearances. I knew this going in. As a result, she's gorgeous, impeccably groomed, lives in a beautiful apartment, and has a great job. She's also in a lot of credit-card debt—which I only found out about accidentally—and I suspect she may have an eating disorder.
Sometimes I wonder why she's dating me. I'm not bad-looking, but I think the real draw is my family (we're well-known) and my future earning potential. I don't mind that she's attracted to these superficial things—I didn't fall in love with an ugly girl with a heart of gold—but I want more. She wants more too. She wants me to drive a better car, take her to more expensive restaurants, and has hinted that I should dress better. She went so far as to "suggest" I hire a stylist!
A new pair of jeans is one thing, but a stylist? Do straight guys even do that? My job doesn't demand that I wear $5,000 suits, why should my girlfriend? If it's not my clothes, it's my apartment. It annoys her that I rent my place when I can afford to buy. I don't feel like that's any of her business.
I want to make clear that despite the fact that I have more assets, she's definitely not a golddigger. She ponies up occasionally and never asks for money. I guess she's more of a statusdigger. What to do?
—Why Can't She Relax?
She waxes, plucks (apparently), starves herself, and goes into debt to look and smell fantastic—why shouldn't she expect you to make a little effort? You're obviously not attracted to the T-shirt-and-jeans type, so maybe it's time to step it up a little.
Or not.
I agree that unless you're a real Schleprock, a stylist is pushing it. And yeah, $5K on anything that doesn't come with four wheels and leather seats is ridiculous.
I don't mean to be unsympathetic, but it sounds like a case of reaping what you sow. Do you think Melania Knauss married Donald Trump because they had a deep spiritual connection? Or that foxy young Georgina Chapman was attracted to much more than portly, pockmarked Harvey Weinstein's power and bank account? And looking at it from the other side, were these dudes attracted to their decades-younger wives for their intellect or capacity for kindness? Probably not.
Please note that I'm not calling you old, fat, or repulsive. I'm just saying that it's one thing to wind up with a rich guy from a prestigious family, it's quite another to seek one out. The cold fact is, if you were just a regular joe, this chick probably wouldn't have given you a second glance. Just as some gentlemen prefer blondes with ginormous tatas, some women prefer wealthy, powerful men.
In any relationship, it takes a while to get beyond the surface. In the beginning, she ignored your dad jeans and focused instead on your lineage and bank account, while you enjoyed her shiny exterior and ignored the fact that she barfed up every meal. Now it seems as if you're both a little disappointed with what you wound up with. So you can both either bend a bit and try to be more accepting, or you can cut your losses and move on. Frankly, golddigger or not, this broad sounds exhausting. Maybe next time you should give the T-shirt-and-jeans chick a try
dategirl@seattleweekly.com
