Dear Dategirl,
Why do women who AREN’T into anal sex find it impossible to believe that some women LOVE anal sex? They’ll even go so far as argue that dudes who are into it are closeted gays! What’s funny, too, is that I only ever hear this brought up by women I’m not involved with—though certainly not every woman I sleep with loves anal.
—Phoenix
Here are some things I can’t believe anyone is actually into: American Idol, most fish, scat, cargo shorts, Uggs, Miranda July, perspiring, new-car smell, and reptiles.
Anal sex is also on that list.
However . . . when I say I “can’t believe,” that doesn’t mean I disbelieve that other people enjoy the color mauve, rompers, and the Dave Matthews Band. I just can’t fathom how they’re able to embrace what seem to me such clear atrocities against good taste. Of course, there was a time that I saw things only in black-and-white, and was convinced that if I didn’t like it, it wasn’t a matter of opinion—whatever that thing was was simply wrong.
Then I entered the sixth grade and my mind opened a bit, and I discovered that just because I found earth tones repulsive, that didn’t mean there aren’t many who find them a grand color scheme.
It sounds as if the women you’re talking to are impossibly (possibly criminally) young. Or maybe they’re Amish and grew up without Internet access. Whichever the case, of course there are women who love anal sex. I wouldn’t even argue with these dames, I’d just direct them to Tristan Taormino’s website, PuckerUp.com. It’ s one-stop shopping for the anal disbeliever.
And, yes, unless a guy is talking about banging another dude up the pooper, there’s nothing remotely homosexual about heterosexual anal sex.
Dear Dategirl,
What would you think if your girlfriend asked you how you’d feel if she went to visit her ex-girlfriend? She plans to stay the weekend, and who knows where the hell she’s gonna sleep. She claims she doesn’t still have feelings for her and they’re only friends, but when I asked if I could go too, she said no. They reconnected on Facebook after being broken up for five years. She claims the ex knows she’s in a relationship, and that I have nothing to worry about. Should I be concerned? What should I do? Help!
—Furious
I get that lots of people stay friends with people they used to fuck/love/whatever. But that’s not what this is. This is a reconnect via Facebook, you’ve never met this chick, and you’re not welcome to do so anytime soon. I’m assuming you and your girlfriend are in a monogamous relationship, correct? If this is the case, you are certainly well within your rights to completely lose your shit.
Sometimes people go through patches where they’re really fucking stupid, shockingly selfish, and incredibly insensitive. Your girlfriend is obviously deep in the midst of one of these. She needs a reality check, so I’d try to talk to her first. How would she feel if the tables were turned? Maybe she’d be fine with it, but more likely she’d feel much as you do.
Which leaves you with two options, neither particularly appealing. You could sit around and wait for it to be over, on the off chance nothing happens between them. Or you could tell her that she has a choice—your relationship or a reunion weekend with her ex. Just prepare yourself for the wrong answer.
