Everyone Has Limits--Dategirl Included

(NOW: You can read Dategirl every day on the Daily Weekly!)   Dear Dategirl: My old lady is fine as hell, but she can be a bit hairy. I'm not the type of guy to get hung up on a lady who doesn't shave her legs, pits, or crotch, but my miss sometimes has a bit of a mustache and other unfortunately located body hair. We've been together a while now and I haven't mentioned it yet, but I feel I need to let her know sooner rather than later that it is a minor turn-off for me. Any advice on how to broach the subject tactfully? She's on a shoestring budget, so hair-removal products, bleach, etc. may be out of her price range. I'm willing to pay, though! —Harry If you'd written me whining that your broad refused to skin the clam, I'd have probably given you a hard time. But a fur-free upper lip and a few less nip hairs (I'm guessing that's what you mean by "unfortunately located") is not too much to ask in the upkeep department. Even so, take a look at yourself first, starting with your underpants. The one universal I've found among men is that you hang onto your drawers for too damned long. If they haven't been purchased during 2010, get thee to the store and score some new ones. Also, if you have hair, is it clean and well-groomed? If you don't, is your baldness uniformly neat or does it have that patchy chemo-quality? Are your nostril and ear whiskers in check? I'm not asking to give you shit; I'm telling you so you can be an example. Once your grooming is beyond reproach, you can feel free to broach the topic. Since you're willing to pay, I would go the spa/salon route. Look around for a nice place in your area and get her a gift certificate. Waxing a 'stache is super-cheap, so I'd also include a nice pedicure or maybe a facial if you're feeling flush. Then one night when you're hanging out—fully clothed, please—tell her how hot she is. How you're so lucky to have found her. Then tell her you don't care about shaved legs (hippie!) or a fragrant bush, but you were wondering if she'd consider waxing or bleaching the 'stache for you and maybe tweezing the nipple hairs. Assure her that you know it's your hang-up, but you'd appreciate it, and would happily cut off your ponytail or shave your goatee if it bothered her. Good luck! I've always lived in warmer climates, and this is my first full-blown winter. I've recently become acquainted with the concept of a "cuddle buddy." What advice might you impart for capturing and subsequently releasing one of these furry friends? —Luvs 2 B Spooned Ack! I would have so much more respect for you if you were writing to quiz me about plushies and the people who love them. Or if you were a cub seeking a papa bear. Alas, it seems like you're looking seriously for someone to spoon with and nothing more. The Girl of Date is not without limits, and you have hit mine. The very words "cuddle bunny" cause the bile to rise in my throat. And signing your request "Luvs 2 B Spooned?" This is why people think advice columnists make up shit, but let me assure you, dear readers, that I would never use the term "spooned" unless I was talking about something food-related. So, "Luvs," I can't help you, but I will tell you that most people are going to expect more than a little nuzzle if they climb into bed with you. I suggest you borrow a friend's collie instead. dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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