Luck With a Side of Timing

(NOW: You can read Dategirl every day on the Daily Weekly!)   Dear Dategirl: I am a woman in my early 30s with a really cool career, a large pool of interesting, smart friends, and a wide variety of interests, from video games and comic books to movies and literature. I've learned the hard way not to meet my honey where I made my money, and most of my friends are already paired up with nary a single man friend among them. I would like to get married and probably have kids someday, but right now I'd just like a long-term boyfriend. I have tried online dating on a variety of sites, and I find it incredibly exhausting and disappointing. The men I find are cute and smart, but they're flakes. And they can afford to be, since rad, super-smart, talented, and cute single women like me are a dime a dozen. I feel like there's a total lack of communication and a shitload of confusion between men and women, and I don't know how to wade through that. Very few people I meet are single, straight, not in my field, and attracted to me (and vice versa). I'm pretty happy with my life, and I also enjoy my time alone. The only thing missing is someone who wants to have lots of safe, hot sex with someone they love. For what it's worth, I am more or less straight, monogamous, and somewhat kinky. I write erotica, like porn of all sorts, and have piercings in my bathing-suit area. I'm also into astrology and occulty stuff, so that might also turn off some guys when/if they eventually learn about it. Help! —UnBoyfriendable? While I wish I could blast you with a puff of magical fairy dust and provide you with a choice of five employed men with big dicks and kind hearts, sadly, I can't. I will say you're overthinking this. There's not some huge disconnect between men and women; there are just a lot of confused, sometimes lonely, sometimes crazy, sometimes busy, sometimes baggage-laden, occasionally shitty people bouncing around out there. Some are looking for love, while many are looking to avoid it at all costs. The only thing you can do is hope you bump into someone who's at the same place, mentally and emotionally, that you are, and you two figure out how to bumble along together. I'll also tell you that you're making a huge mistake avoiding men in your field. When you work with someone, you get to see who and how they really are. How do they react in a crisis? Do they respect women? Are there hygiene issues? Are they cute but stupid? Ugly but irresistibly smart? Don't date your boss or your assistant, but if someone on your level seems appealing, the fact that you're both paid by the same company is a lame reason to rule him out. As for all these shacked-up friends of yours: Please make some new friends—single friends. I can't stress that enough. Being the only single person out with a bunch of boring couples is depressing. And so many of them are smug and annoying, though this is often just to mask their secret seething over your freewheeling lifestyle. I actually had one concerned/passive-aggressive friend call me out of the blue and say, "Me and [concerned husband] were talking about you last night, wondering what must be wrong with you that you're always single." While I have my faults and freaky behaviors, there was nothing wrong with me. I was single. Now I'm not. Nothing changed about me; I just bumped into someone who was looking for the same things I was. It's not about magic, or having the perfect body, highest IQ score, or right address. It's just dumb luck with a side of timing. dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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