The 2010 Primary's Best Campaign Lowlights

Primary 2010 will be remembered as the election in which two candidates (Republicans Clint Didier and Paul Akers, in the race for Patty Murray's U.S. Senate seat) teamed up to run against each other and neither won. Meanwhile, State Sen. Pam Roach--described in various media accounts as "crazy," "unhinged," "bipolar or something"--was still found "adequate" enough to run for office, according to the King County Municipal League. Now that the polls have closed, here are some other lowlights from the 2010 prelims: • U.S. Senate candidate Mohammad Said said he once had a chance to meet with Barack Obama in Texas but chose not to "to protect his campaign." If he had, he indicated, he'd probably wound up as Obama's "Secretary of Health or special Envoy to Muslim World!" • Goodspaceguy campaigned for his 11th time by promising to "unsabotage" the economy by eliminating minimum wages and subsidizing the relocation of rich people to Washington state. He also backed more funding for his motherland, the 200 orbital space habitats orbiting earth. • Former Navy Judge Advocate (JAG) officer Schalk Leonard refused to accept campaign donations in his race for the U.S. Senate, promising to "seek no fame or fortune." Fellow Senate candidate Bob Burr turned down donations too, his way of saying "the political system" he wanted to be part of "is corrupt to its core." • After Sarah Palin Tweeted her support for Snohomish dairyman John Koster in the 2nd District U.S. House race, incumbent Rep. Rick Larsen complained that Koster was "opening his campaign war chest to a potential landslide of out-of-state contributions." Koster then noted that 65 percent of Larson's campaign donations came from mostly out-of-state PACs. • Congressional candidate Scott Sizemore admitted "my representational experience has typically been non-government to this point...If all I have to offer my country is a love of research, a proclivity for debate, and an eternally candidate demeanor, then so be it." • Perennial candidate Mike the Mover was upset at universities because "they pay coaches in the millions...while their main fans on Wall Street continue to vacation at Disney World & White Sulphur Springs [W.Va.]." • State Senate hopeful Leslie Klein promised to balance the budget with "Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!!!"—with one caveat: "If you are a state employee earning more than $100,000, please vote for my opponent." • Will Baker, in his umpteenth campaign, pointed out that "Barack Obama is a black man and a very good public speaker," then said the number-one issue in the primary election was "the illegal and unethical election practices used by President Barack Obama," then said the top issue was that Secretary of State Sam Reed "has canceled the entire 2010 printed Washington State Primary Voters Pamphlet." Baker said this in the 2010 printed Washington State Primary Voters Pamphlet. • GOP statehouse candidate Ray Carter, in what was probably the most candid and realistic statement of them all, said, "There aren't any campaign promises here. An individual legislator doesn't have all that much power; in the minority party, even less. I'll do what I can."

 
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