When to Tell Him the Babymaker's Broken

Dear Dategirl,When I was very young, I had some medical issues that left me infertile. I'm OK now, but I'll never have children. I have made my peace with this. Most guys my age (24) aren't interested in having kids right now, so they don't even ask. I always use condoms for safer-sex reasons anyway, so it doesn't come up that way either. But I recently started seeing someone in his early 30s. I like him a whole lot. Love, I think.I am not certain he wants children, but if he does, it would probably be soon, right? Should I come right out and tell him, so he can break up with me before we get too serious? Or do I avoid the subject and hope for the best?—Broken

Your pseudonym is bumming me out over here. Can I call you Nancy or Clara instead? Because if squeezing wee ones out your lady parts has always been a dream, it's sad that you can't, but it certainly doesn't mean you're broken.You're young, and maybe at some point you will decide you want to be a mom, but it doesn't sound as if it's ever bothered you too much before. You claim that you've made peace with your situation, and so your only dilemma is that this boyfriend who you might love (or might think is a giant dick in a week) could possibly reject you because you're incapable of providing a womb for his progeny.The sad truth is, Clara, people get rejected for all kinds of silly reasons. I once refused to go out with someone because his voice gave me the creeps. For all I know he was a great guy, but that didn't change my mind. He sounded like the Joker, and I wasn't about to drop trou for the Joker. (The Riddler, perhaps.) I should also clarify that I've been rejected for dozens of nutty reasons.You need to quit thinking of yourself as "broken." I'm not dismissing the potentially painful nature of your problem, but most people worth knowing have some sort of deficiency or issue. I have unbelievably crappy teeth, and just last week had surgery to remove a melanoma (the deadliest form of skin cancer). My friend M is married to a great guy with no colon, and happily coupled J is going blind. As you get older, you'll realize how many of us could also be categorized as broken.So Clara, maybe he will want to break up with you once he hears about your busted baby-maker, but then again, maybe he's not itching for infants either. Or if he is, perhaps he's open to adoption, or hiring a surrogate, or getting a puppy instead. You won't know until you talk to him about it.Yours is obviously a new relationship, so at this point it sounds like you're getting ahead of yourself. I'd wait a while to see how things pan out before you pull out any we-have-to-talks. Because even if it's to tell them you're instituting a policy of daily blow jobs and three-ways, men don't react well to being told there's something you need to discuss. It frightens them. When the time is right—and you'll know—just put it out there. Be gentle with him (and yourself), keep it light, and whatever you do, Clara, don't tell him that you're "broken."dategirl@seattleweekly.com

 
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